Marriage

Why Are Women Expected To Stay With Cheating Husbands?

Yowza. Recently, I was doing a little research on infidelity.  When our story came out in February 2002, there were few resources.  And not only that, if you think people don’t want to talk about pornography addiction and infidelity now, trying getting through it seven years ago!  Praise God we had people in our lives and a couple who literally walked us through every step of the way.  They were our resources, our books and our conferences. I mention all of this because during my research I found a book that I think I’d like to read.  Not necessarily because I need more help at this moment in time, but because I don’t ever want to be a person who isn’t teachable.  I started to read reviews on this particular book and all of them were 5 star reviews. Except one. A particular woman gave it a 1 star review and asked the question, “Why are women expected to stay with cheating husbands?” While this woman did not ask me personally to answer this question, I think I’ll take a jab at it.  I’m going to go out on a limb and venture to say that there are plenty of you reading my blog who think I’m an idiot for staying in my marriage.  That’s fine.  I’m aware that many judge me and think me a fool for staying. In my futile attempt to answer that question, I very well may lose the respect of some of you.   Some of you may not agree with what I will say.  I respect that.  We are all entitled to our opinions.  But, I ask that you respect me as someone who has walked that road and knows very well the devastation that infidelity brings. Come back tomorrow if you are interested in this discussion…

21 thoughts on “Why Are Women Expected To Stay With Cheating Husbands?”

  1. You go girl. If anyone has a platform to speak into this question you do. Not just because you have walked that road but HOW you walked that road. I am so proud of you and excited to see the doors that God is opening for you and Chris to bring light to a dark place.

    Love you both! (the boys too:)!)

  2. Many people think I am an idiot for staying with my husband. Even though my situation is not like yours (mine is a former abusive husband), honestly how are marriages suppose to survive if you cannot forgive no matter what the problem?

    However, I think you and I stand on the same platform when I say, I don’t suggest staying with someone if they continue the behavior (especially in an abusive situation). This is where many women I encounter don’t see the difference at first. In my situation, I stay because he has changed. He took the steps necessary to change the behavior (in our case it was a long process of counseling and christian friends that helped). Maybe behind this womans question, the behavior is continual.

  3. you know – some people in my husband and i’s family thought we were dumb to wait to share our first kiss on our wedding day- keeping pure was a stupid idea to them. This world just does not make sense sometimes – they want wife to leave their marriage if they cheat and sleep with your spouce before you get married!! I am so glad to be an stranger in a strange land – and to not be of this world!!
    and btw i am glad you stayed together!! It shows the world how God can heal anyone of anything!!!

  4. I have walked your road and I heard God…and I stayed. I have to admit, the absolute BEST thing I have ever done. Andy and I are more in love than ever and our marriage is at a point it has NEVER been at. It’s amazing sometimes the roads we have to walk, but I honestly believe we are on that road for a reason…thanks Cindy for YOU!

  5. you know what – its all about our culture telling us that we deserve better, we are entitled…don’t stand for (insert offense here)….

    (goes for more stuff than just marital issues)

    forgiveness, grace…God’s plans…our culture doesn’t take that into account.

    HIS grace is big enough for everything, anything. I am a recipient of it.

  6. I can’t wait to read tomorrow!
    Cindy, You were an amazing light from God when I went through my ex-husband’s infidelity. I tried soooo hard to stay with him and to follow God’s word for me as a Christian wife, but you know, God had a different path laid out for this baby Christian. I am closer to God than I EVER thought imaginable because of what I have gone through. God has given me the gift of mercy and encouragement for those around me who are experiencing similar situations. I am sooo thankful for what he has done in my life and sooooo thankful you were there with encouraging words when I needed them. Truly A God Send! I thank God on a daily basis for what I have gone through. For if I hadn’t gone through it all, I wouldn’t be where I am today. Sooo thankful!

  7. When I first read your story I cried at the moment you made that decision. It was not the easy thing to do but you did it because it is what you felt God was asking.

    I so respect you for that difficult decision and it is a joy to see you and your husband enjoy life on the other side of those life changing moment.

    You are awesome!

  8. 17 years ago when I married, I had a list of stuff I wouldnt put up with…My heart was hard…

    After these years, living with this man that I love, that list is gone….There is in its place a soft heart that prays she could forgive anything.

    You are not an idiot – You are a HERO!

  9. Hey Cindy…I think a lot of people think this issue is the deal breaker. Period.
    Only if the partner is not willing or wanting accountability do I agree with this method.
    It sounds to me, like the little I have heard of your story, your husband was wanting that.
    I am so glad you could be reconciled! I am so glad your testimony is one of repentance AND forgiveness!
    It’s inspiring!

  10. I am so glad you stayed and are listening to God. You and Chris were an example to my husband and I when we went through the same thing, and you helped us a lot. I am proud of you guys, and us, for not listening to the opinions of others and doing what we felt was right. I can’t wait to hear more.

  11. Cindy,

    I can only hope and pray that I will never have to deal with this topic first hand. However, I have considered whether or not infidelity would be a deal breaker for me in my marriage.

    I was married and divorced twice by the age of 18 and looked for any reason I could create to leave the men I married. As far as I know, even they never cheated on me.

    I feel confident that my husband has no desire or intention to be unfaithful to me. However, I believe that if ever faced with such a thing I would desire to keep my marriage in tact.

    The biggest difference between my previous marriages and my current marriage is that this time, my covenant was with God FIRST and my husband second… and I know that God can get us through everything.

    So, I personally have a lot of respect for sticking it out and can’t wait to read tomorrow’s blog.

    Thanks,
    Angela

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