I’ve been writing a lot lately about parenting and my kids. This summer has afforded me the right to read a bunch of books. Some are on leadership. Some are Christian “self-help” books. Some are on parenting and raising boys. So, if you aren’t a parent or are no longer in the throws of raising kids, hopefully, you’ll still glean something that you can apply to your life when you read my posts. This is just where I am. It’s my geography, if you will. I’m becoming increasingly aware of how little I have parented my sons. My apathetic and pathetic mindset of just go out and play and leave me alone so I can…has absolutely shamed me. I am a mother, for cryin’ out loud. They are my sons. They need me. And I need them. Not only that, but I want them. I am slowing down and paying closer attention to them and their needs. I am enjoying them more because I’m actually becoming a student of them. Learning about the things that make them tick and what ticks them off 🙂 I’m losing my agenda and making sure that these boys know that they are not an inconvenience to me as I’ve so often treated them. That their scraped knees and hurt feelings are more important to me than answering an email or reading up on the latest updates on The Twitter. While I still feel its important to make a little “detox” time for me during the day since mothering is so demanding, I must remember that this is a choice I made. To have children. To be a mother. To raise these small boys into grown men who actually follow Christ with their whole hearts and in turn, change their world. One person at a time. Yes, I know many of you are thinking I am way too hard on myself. That is probably true. Being this way is such a “Cindy” thing. People who know me the best hardly have to confront me on things because I’m so self-aware…sometimes to a fault. I mean, I can’t remember a time when someone said something to me about the way I am where I didn’t already know it in my spirit. It’s a curse, almost, to be so in tune with who you are and who you are not and who you don’t want to be. But, I suppose the alternative, being blissfully unaware of your faults and thinking you are right on track, is equally disheartening. People who are like that just don’t know it. So, I keep pressing on as I journey through motherhood. Praying that I’ll keep my heart in tune with my Savior. Falling in love and being mesmerized by little boys who really do take my breath away.