When In Doubt, Get Out!

Over the years of my married life, I’ve been honored to speak with many women. Having been in ministry with my husband on staff at three different churches in a 13-year time span has given me that opportunity. One of the things I’ve heard so much from numerous women is how they settled for their husbands. Many were in love with a high school sweetheart and jumped right in. Some thought they could change their man and win him to Jesus. Still others didn’t want to be single as they approached their 30th birthday. So, they got married. And now many of those women have regrets. Regrets that they didn’t wait for God’s best but instead, made a decision that caused some serious grief in their lives. I have to tell you that I don’t know what it’s like to wait. I went from my momma’s house to my husband’s house. Getting married at the ripe old age of 22 doesn’t give me the expertise on waiting for a husband. So, while I can’t speak from my own experience, I can speak from others. And they want you to know that if you are engaged to be married and have any doubts whatsoever, you should get out. God gave us the gift of marriage. It is amazing and wonderful but also extremely trying. Make sure you allow God to bring you the mate best suited for being your partner for the rest of your days. It’s too serious a commitment not to.

24 thoughts on “When In Doubt, Get Out!”

  1. You are so right… such wise advice. It is so hard to wait, trust me i know, but it is SO WORTH it. I am SO GLAD i waited. i can not say that enough, to my girlfriends, to the youth at church, to every one everywhere. Thanks for talking about this touchy subject!!!

  2. I was married at 21 so I have no idea what its like to wait either, however, after seeing the carnage around me over the course of my life, I can’t think of a better decison to be SURE about.

  3. My daughter who is 22 yrs old feels very old to still be single! She sees girlfriends all around her in serious relationships, getting engaged, walking down the aisle…she feels left behind. But…praise God that she is striving to listen to the voice of God and follow His leading in her life. She does understand that to marry the wrong person would be a HUGE mistake. I have little advice for her in this area because I got married at 18(!) and will be married 30 years this December! Only by the grace of God!!!

  4. I sure didn’t want to wait but didn’t want to settle, either. God brought me David at the age of 30 and I am so thankful and blessed. It is WORTH THE WAIT, PEOPLE!

    “God always gives His very best to those who leave the choice with Him.” –Hudson Taylor

  5. Phew!! For a second I thought you were talking about getting out of marriage.

    When In Doubt, Get Out- This applies to my situation right now…

    My mind and heart have been full of doubts and other feelings lately (but deep inside I know what to do).

  6. Yonas – Not marriage, my friend. Dating and engaged couples only 🙂

    Amber – I would tell them what I currently tell them: Expect God to move and make a difficult situation amazing. You will find through difficulties is when you see God move the most. Why? Maybe because we are keenly aware of how much we need Him and we are ultra sensitive to His words and guidance. As much as it depends on you, honor the commitment you made. And ultimately, this journey in life is not about us being happy, but holy. Think I read that somewhere 🙂

  7. I gotta be honest; there are things I look at about my husband now, that if I had a choice maybe I’d have chosen differently. He doesn’t dance and I love to. He’s so slow and I like to be on time. Sometimes he’s sooo stubborn and it makes problem solving quite difficult. And I wish he were more romantic. But you know what? When I walked down that aisle I had complete peace. And the truth is I made a commitment to him; a vow in front of God and our family and friends.
    I certainly agree that couples should be sure that they’re in the will of God before marrying, and counseling is a MUST. But marriage will not always be about the other person meeting your needs and standards. Its a process.

  8. I was {{GASP}} 16 years old when I married. There were so many red flags that I had them coming out my ears. But no one could tell my stubborn self any different. I DO tell my stubborn teenage children differently, especially when they think it’s perfectly fine to date losers.

    What to tell someone who feels like they’ve made a bad choice? Pray and become the spouse God means for you to be. No one has any control over changing what IS–only what could be.

  9. I was married at 19, got pregnant at 21, gave birth just under 22, and got divorced at 24. Get out before getting in too deep! There’s nothing sadder than bringing a child into a loveless, or abusive relationship. We can’t change others. Children need parents that love each other not bear up under the stress of a bad relationship.

  10. Excellent Cindy. I got married at 21 too. Very young. He is the right guy but a couple more years of maturity and perspective would have done us some good.

    I’ve seen sooo many people screw up their lives by going thru with the wedding because of the deposit on the caterer or they didn’t want to let their families down.

    In addition, the bravest girl I know cut off her engagement (after deposits and showers). She was 22 and heeded the advice of friends as well as listened to the Lord. It was painful for her but the pain that she would have felt had she gone thru with the marriage would have been far worse.

  11. Some of the best advice I was ever given was this:

    Is he someone I can live with out. Answer: no.

    Is he someone I would want to go into business with. Answer: yes (marriage is a small co after all).

    Is he someone who beyond the warm fuzzies, someone who I would choose to love, not just feel love for. Answer: absolutely. Fortunately I have both.

    Is he someone who gives me the same comfort and soft place to land feeling as family. Answer: yes.

    I hope to give these pieces to my kids. All the Biblical aspects too, of course, but I found these pieces helpful.


  12. I feel so blessed to know on the first date that I was supposed to marry my husband. God told me so loud and clear I almost dropped the chip I had dipped in the salsa. I was baffled when he stood me up on our second date. I prayed, it is in your hands God, if he is the one then it will happen. A year later we met up again and went on our second date. A couple of years later we Wed, 7 years after that we had a little girl, then had lots of marital problems. I leaned on the fact that this was God’s plan and I should not turn my back on a tough situation. Later, it seemed so clear that I was placed there to help my husband through some dark times. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, God for such a wonderful choice for a husband and all the good times we have shared.

    Yes wait, wait on God to give you direction.

  13. yes! i stayed in a relationship for way too long because i didnt want to hurt his feelings. it became the most destructive and frightening relationship ever. i watched my mom stay in these kinds of relationships too. so for me, i learned to do it this way. i wish someone would have taken your words here and made me repeat them over and over.

  14. Amen! I actually got married when I was 18!!!! yikes! It worked out for us, and he is a wonderful man. But I wouldn’t recommend it, and we both definitely wish we had waited a few years to find ourselves and then marry each other. It’s such a huge thing. Bigger than most people have the ability to understand so young.

  15. I think this is the best advice ever!!! I was in a very comfortable relationship all through college where I could have very easily married the guy, but I knew the whole time God had someone better for me. Someone who shared the same passion for the Lord and really fulfilled the desires of my heart. Long story short…I broke up with the guy and at 21 this was a HUGE step of faith for me. I wrestled with it and I cried and cried. God kept assuring me that he would bring me the right one in His timing. Then one night in the most random meeting ever…I met my guy. Everyday I thank God for giving the nudge to be patient and wait for something that he had in store for me…rather than me trying to be in control. I feel like taking that little step has been the first of many faith steps. I think every day that I am so blessed and what I would have missed out on had I not waiting for the blessing that God had in store for me. You rock Cindy!:)

  16. Very nice tips. I haven’t married yet, but i am looking for many information about it since I’ll held my engagement next year. I am nervous.

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