Warped Self-Image

I’m going to let you in on a little secret about me. I struggle with the way I see myself. There.  I said it.  And now you know. I’m not much of a worrier.  I don’t find myself overspending on clothes or items for my house.  I am not in bondage to alcohol, drugs, tobacco or pornography.  But I do wish I looked like I did when I was 21. Don’t we all. Because when I was 21, I looked like the world says I should.  Now that I’m 38, things are not as they were.  Gravity is definitely having its effect on me. Did I say that outloud? My husband, my best friend, the love of my life knows this struggle I have.  He is always so kind with his words and tries to reassure me that I am still the apple of his eye.  Just the other day, he sent this text to me:
Couldn’t fall asleep last night.  I found myself thinking about how beautiful you were when we first met.  I’m still captivated by you.
I know, right? I still have to get to the place where I don’t cut myself down in front of people and where I don’t look in the mirror and wish for a tummy tuck.  I suppose I’ll get there eventually.  But, I am so thankful that I have a man who will love me through all of this. Allowing me to spend the rest of my life with Chris Beall?  Good one, God.

22 thoughts on “Warped Self-Image”

  1. i love seeing the ways your husband lavishes you with love.

    and you are still SO beautiful. (but at the same time, i totally understand that inner dialogue…)

    thank you for your openness…

  2. Gravity laughs really hard when you take over 50 pounds of fat out of the flesh!

    You are beautiful!

    We are both blessed with wonderful husbands!

    But if you go for a tummy tuck and don’t invite me….I will be hurt! I’m just saying.

    PS) When I was fat I didn’t see myself as being that heavy. Now that I have lost that weight I see myself as fat. Weird huh?

  3. I’m 31- and just last week I looked at a picture that had just been taken… and I thought… “wait a minute… that’s a middle aged woman… that’s not me!” Crazy.

  4. Good one, fo sho. I have my days. The sagging part really doesn’t bother me. I can tuck that in 🙂 It’s the few pound fluctuation that does. Trite. I know.

  5. as sad as it is, that’s the one true thing i was upset about last year when we found out we were (SURPRISE) blessed with another baby on the way. i had just lost all the 80lbs i gained with madeline, who was 7 months old at the time (i ate everything, plus some with that girl) and was back in my skinny jeans and then boom, there’s a plus sign on that stupid stick! Needless to say, this go around it’s taking longer (something about being on diaper derby all day long and not being able to work the abs instead) to get it all off. although i wouldn’t trade ANYTHING for these beautiful babies, i do look forward to the day i get those skinny’s back on….

  6. Well, well, well…you’ve done it again friend…you’ve been spying around here…how DO you do that??

    I’m blessed too…my prince tells me ALL the time how beautiful I am…
    The way I see it…if I NEVER have to appear on What NOT to Wear and steer clear of those 360 mirrors..that will certainly help:D
    and skinny jeans…say wha???? why???
    40 is fabulous…I have to embrace that..I am loved and really I’ll get there eventually too…

    your honesty is just so refreshing!

  7. My honey is always complimenting me and now I try to smile and accept it, before I would say something like, “Oh you’re just trying to butter me up” or “Yeah, whatever”. I do not like what I look like and I’m trying to change that. Its harder to do now than it was 8 years ago. I am so very thankful God gave me my husband, to help me see myself the way He does.

  8. How sweet!
    I think we all struggle with this. I have to be careful because when My hubby tells me I’m beautiful I usually tend to say “yeah right” because honestly that’s what I think. But instead I need to be saying “thank you”. It’s a tough one!

  9. I know eh?…after nursing 4 kids and large weight fluctuations in the past…I tell ya…I wouldn’t dare wear a midriff top or get a belly button ring…cuz I just might have the girls (thanks Lori-I love that term) poking out the bottom of my top…I mean really how low can you go!!!!

    And yet my husband still loves me…somehow, someway, he still loves me…it’s a miracle in itself I think and definitely the grace of God.

    Thanks for sharing Cindy…I do not feel inside the way I look on the outside but I am aging and my body is too.

  10. Wow. What a dreamy text from your husband!! I know how you feel about the whole “stomach” issue – but I’m just determined to keep trying to improve myself and age as gracefully as possible. It’s very freeing when I can do that.

  11. It’s like you peered into my thoughts … very scarey. In my head I’m still twenty six. My body is 49. I always thought I’d be more “comfortable” with my looks as I got older – it’s not the wrinkles or the sagging sisters so much as just wondering and hoping that someday I’ll think I look good – not beautiful or pretty, just good is all. I feel guilty – as if I insult God when I insult myself. Maybe if I thought I looked good I’d get a big head – who knows. But really, if I thought I looked good maybe I wouldn’t waste so much time worrying about it.

  12. So does your mirror have a crack in it too?

    I always blamed the crack in the mirror theory of why my body was looking saggy and ya know.

    Just recently I bought a new mirror, my 15 year old Elijah says “what’s your excuse now mom?”

    I turned around and squeezed his abs and said simply

    “I birthed YOU!”

    He didn’t think that was so funny…

    I on the other hand giggled.

  13. what an amazing man!!!! I’ve got me one of those too. yeah, he knows I struggle in that same area. He is ALWAYS telling me things like that. I’m just starting to learn that not every man is like that. I treasure that.

    I don’t think there’s woman alive that doesn’t feel just as you’ve expressed here….not one.

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  15. Ack! I’m 26 and feel this way! My sister said last winter, “Isn’t it funny that no matter how much we complain about our bodies NOW, in 20 years, we’ll wish we had them back?”

    Yeah. Hilarious.

  16. Cindy Beall=20
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