A Taboo Subject

I don’t remember the exact day that Chris told me about his struggle with pornography. What I do remember was feeling like I wasn’t good enough or pretty enough for him.  I struggled with that for years.  So much so that I wondered what I could do to make myself more appealing, more attractive.  I remember thinking that if I was just a better wife, more supportive, less nagging, less annoying, that maybe, just maybe I would be all he needed. So I kept my hair long, blonde and straight for him.  I made sure I stayed skinny.  I did my best to make him look good.  I made sure that I was there for him.  I prayed for so long for him to walk in freedom.  But no matter how hard I tried or how hard I prayed, it just didn’t seem to matter. He still looked at porn. After Chris’ confession to his pornography addiction and infidelity in February 2002, I realized that his addiction had nothing to do with me.  That no matter how skinny or how sexy or how appealing I could make myself, this monster that had taken over Chris’ mind, would never be quenched with me. Because that is what pornography does to a person.  It lures you in, grabs a hold of you, doesn’t let go and then warps your mind into thinking that what you are seeing is actually something appealing.  And I guess it might be…for a little bit. But not forever.  It’s an imposter.  A traitor.  A fraud. If there is a week where I want you to come to my blog everyday, it’s this one.  Chris will be sharing later this week about his pornography addiction as well as debunking the myth that if the wife were meeting the husband’s needs, the husband wouldn’t be cheating. Dang, if I had a buck for every time I’ve heard that I’d be flyin’ alla y’all into Oklahoma to have swim party.  Or something fun like that.  Because that’s the way I roll. So, y’all come back now, ya hear?

12 thoughts on “A Taboo Subject”

  1. Yep, heard this myth too. Sadly it was being taught at the church I attended. I don’t attend there anymore…but I’ve heard it from other Christians many times.

  2. I’m really looking forward to diving into this issue. I had lunch with a couple yesterday here in PHX who’s battling this issues for the first time. I have a great deal of hope for them. I think the thing that was most impactful for them was that we could talk about it openly. They realized they aren’t alone. There is power in knowing you are sharing your journey and struggles with others so i hope we speak openly about the issue of porn this week.

  3. So girl, I’ve got a private blog that I’ve only told a few people about and I SWEAR you managed to find it and read one of my posts….because you took some material from it and posted it here. SWEAR. 😯

    You can bet your sweet face I’ll be back everyday this week. Multiple times.

  4. I was just talking about this topic with a girlfriend last week. We discussed the idea of a couple watching porn together and if that is right or wrong. I believe it’s just asking for trouble. Will you be addressing that this week?

    I’ll be back for sure! This seems to come up a lot but no one really wants to talk about it.

  5. I’m a recovering drug and alcohol addict. I understand the power of addiction and I’m looking forward to understanding more about this “drug” of pornography that is quickly becoming the new high for so many.

  6. Yep. Sooooo not true. It’s kind of like chocolate. Ask any woman. If she had her absolutely favorite piece of chocolate sitting next to her, there for her to enjoy within reason… would every other piece of chocolate on the face of the earth cease to tempt her?

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