I don’t remember the exact day that Chris told me about his struggle with pornography. What I do remember was feeling like I wasn’t good enough or pretty enough for him. I struggled with that for years. So much so that I wondered what I could do to make myself more appealing, more attractive. I remember thinking that if I was just a better wife, more supportive, less nagging, less annoying, that maybe, just maybe I would be all he needed. So I kept my hair long, blonde and straight for him. I made sure I stayed skinny. I did my best to make him look good. I made sure that I was there for him. I prayed for so long for him to walk in freedom. But no matter how hard I tried or how hard I prayed, it just didn’t seem to matter. He still looked at porn. After Chris’ confession to his pornography addiction and infidelity in February 2002, I realized that his addiction had nothing to do with me. That no matter how skinny or how sexy or how appealing I could make myself, this monster that had taken over Chris’ mind, would never be quenched with me. Because that is what pornography does to a person. It lures you in, grabs a hold of you, doesn’t let go and then warps your mind into thinking that what you are seeing is actually something appealing. And I guess it might be…for a little bit. But not forever. It’s an imposter. A traitor. A fraud. If there is a week where I want you to come to my blog everyday, it’s this one. Chris will be sharing later this week about his pornography addiction as well as debunking the myth that if the wife were meeting the husband’s needs, the husband wouldn’t be cheating. Dang, if I had a buck for every time I’ve heard that I’d be flyin’ alla y’all into Oklahoma to have swim party. Or something fun like that. Because that’s the way I roll. So, y’all come back now, ya hear?