Mentoring

SUBMIT!

Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.” Ephesians 5:22

 

Ladies, don’t you dare switch to another blog. Seriously. If you have an uneasy feeling in your stomach RIGHT ABOUT NOW then you might struggle just a wee bit with this Biblical concept. Hang tight! I think you might see things differently in just a few minutes.God is a god of order. He always has been. There was a system in the way he created man. Just like there was a system in the way he created woman. And when people live according to God’s order, they experience harmony, victory and peace. When they step outside of it, things go awry and any chance of unity is tossed out the window. I am personally a big fan of submission. I have no problem WHATSOEVER following Chris Beall. Granted, he is quite the leader, but even in the days he struggled leading our family, I still did it. It was hard some days because I thought I could do it better than him. I thought my ideas and ways were far more efficient than his. Little did I know, God was far more concerned with my willingness to follow instead of my ability to argue and disrupt. Once I really understood what submission was, I began to experience a freedom I never knew.

Your obedience to God should never be dependent upon someone else’s obedience to God.

A godly husband will not want to lord submission over his wife. He will want her input and he will weigh it heavily when making a decision. Chris rarely does things without my full support. He is FULLY AWARE of the responsibility that is upon him. After 15 years of marriage, he’s learned that I do have insight to offer and he desperately wants our marriage to be unified. Yes, even lil ole me. I think the reason that submission has gotten such a BAD WRAP RAP is because a handful of men have abused it and that strikes fear through a woman’s heart. Society has also made it sound as if a submissive wife is a gal who sits in a cabin near the fire as she’s mending her husband’s pants while the 15 children are runnin’ around barefoot. I’m just sayin’. There are also puh-LEN-tee of women who don’t trust their men. If this is you, then here’s my challenge:

TRUST GOD.

My fave Bible teacher, Beth Moore, once said,
Peace is submission to a trustworthy Authority, not resignation from all activity.
Submitting to our husbands is ultimately a matter of submitting to God, our ultimate trustworthy Authority. When you rest in His very capable hands, you will experience peace. Your husband’s ability to make the right choice is not your responsibility. Your role is not to make sure your husband gets it right. God is actually quite the expert in that arena. All you need to do is support your husband and let him know that as he leads your family, you will follow him. Then, my friends, step back and watch that man of yours lead like crazy. I dare you.

28 thoughts on “SUBMIT!”

  1. This is one of those areas that God has changed me.. a lot . I still have a long way to go, but it is very freeing being able to trust Terry and therefore God with our family.

    I will probably never get it all the way right. I am after all, a pretty strong willed person in my own right. But I will give it my best shot.

  2. A great thought I once heard on this subject: “Ladies, if your man is not being the head of the household, maybe it’s because that position has already been filled. Might be time for you to step down and vacate the position so he can fill it.”

  3. I was just praying about this yesterday. Lately I have been struggling with my prayer time and finding that time from the moment I get up. When I was working it began the moment I headed to work (20min drive).
    Since I have started my new job, I have been getting up and starting prayer but forgetting to finish it. I try again while dropping kids off but again not finishing it.
    Yesterday, I sat in my living room and did it while rocking the baby. Let me just say I so needed that because for me I need that time praying.
    I believe because I had not had my quiet time with God things were getting kind of hay wire around here. I had especially prayed for my husband.

  4. This is great! Even in my dating relationship, I am getting better at NOT being the one ‘in control’ of how things turn out and letting my man lead. Control has always been a struggle for me. (stupid, really). I guess it’s because I’ve had to ‘take care of myself” for the last 8 years, and I just got used to doing things my way. But I AM working on it now that I am in a relationship with a godly man. Praise the Lord! πŸ™‚

  5. Veronica – Isn’t it great how perfectly timely God is? He had me post this just when you needed it πŸ™‚

    Abbi – You do have a great man! So awesome.

  6. Shoot I read Kim’s first and totally said men need to understand that comic. But your post does nothing but support that. If a husband walks in a crams the LAW down his wife’s throat then he is no better than any abuser out there. Respect is a 2 way street. When it isn’t there neither is a marriage

  7. Too funny, God’s timing is perfect. We were just discussing this in our bible study Sunday night. We are reading the book “Love and Respect” by Emerson Eggerich and it is great! I highly recommend it to any married/engaged couple. And yes, I am working on this too (thought I would add that) πŸ™‚

  8. Oddly enough, marriage has been a topic of my blog this week. I’d like to invite you and your crew to view a video clip I posted today on my blog. It’s, I think, pretty encouraging. I’m currently leading my LifeGroup through the book entitled “Sacred Marraige” by Gary Thomas and the premise of the book is this: What if God designed marraige to make you holy more than to make you happy? Deep thought.

  9. Great Post!!!

    My friend is scaired to death to be “Submissive”. She doesn’t want to lose control to anyone. I keep telling her that if you trust God and your husband then being submissive isn’t that hard. Yes there are times that Craig and I disagree. But with open communication we can always work it out.

    Loved Kim’s comic too. πŸ™‚

  10. I would love, love for my husband to take control. I am usually waiting around for him to take control so therefore its usually me making the decisions and leading our family. my question is how do you get or encourage him to be the leader? great post today.

  11. I’m not married (yet). I work in law enforcement which is stereotypically a man’s world. When the other women I work with here’s me talk about submission they either don’t believe that I would submit or think I’m crazy. Having been a single mom and single provider to my sons for the past 12 years, I would LOVE to turn the “headship” of my family over to a godly man. Bring it on, Lord, bring it on. And hey, it takes a very strong woman to be submissive.

  12. I so needed to read this post!! The Lord has totally been working in me in this area and to see this perspective is very encouraging and helpful. Thanks.

  13. Heather asks a great question. Anyone have some insight for her (and others)? I have a very close relative who’s issue is bringing up their children to include prayer, devotions, just “God-talk” in their everyday lives. Her husband just doesn’t do it, although he says he knows it’s important. So she ends up doing the majority of it, and waiting for God to spur her husband’s heart on to take the lead. It’s hard to know exactly what to say to her except a pat “pray for him, and take his lead” answer.

    Anyone, anyone?

  14. Very well written. I have learned how to do this the hard way. Sooo, even though I make mistakes at times in this area, we’ve worked on how to live married life as God would have us – and wouldn’t you know – it works!

  15. I am a strong-willed person, and my husband has a very passive nature. Wonder how we ended up together? Hmmm. In our early married years, I was happy to run the show, and he was content to let me.

    I nearly ran the show off a cliff.

    I became convinced (convicted) about submission before my husband did, so then our show was hanging off a cliff and I was haranguing God AND my husband about the lack of biblical leadership in our home.

    Since I can’t be a good example, I hope I can serve as a stern warning. πŸ™‚

    Then, my wonderful mentor gave me this assignment: Build him up. Every day. In every way. And request his input before making decisions.

    mmmkay.

    Know what? It worked. I praised him and expressed my admiration for him and sought his input on things I would have formerly just done and informed him about later. I built him up to our children (“Ask your daddy if that’s okay…See what Daddy wants you to do first…you’ll need to talk to Daddy about that.”) and praised him to our friends and family.

    One night when we were unexpectedly child-free (God was SO SMART when he thought of grandparents! Can I get an AMEN?), I confessed my sin of trying to run our family, the selfishness I showed when I messed things up so badly, and asked if he could forgive me. I told him I was going to, with God’s help, submit to him as unto the Lord. I didn’t ask him to DO anything. I didn’t insist that he “step up”, tell him to love me as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her, or admonish him to start “doing his duty.” I just put myself in his hands.

    And then I prayed. My sweet mentor had counseled me to speak of my concerns to the One who held my husband’s heart in His hand, and could turn it like a river as He willed.

    The last 10 years of our marriage have been the best! We keep having more fun, falling more deeply in love, and getting crazier and crazier about each other. Oh! And our “show” is now back on the road! Funny how that works!

    To God alone be the glory! Amen.

  16. Great Post! Thank you for sharing your wisdom with us. This is one area that God has really been “fine tunning” within our relationship. There are times when I feel like I know better and are more capable, but I find that when I step back and let Mike lead this family there is so much more joy within our marriage. Especially now, with starting a family and praying about where God is going to take us in May, we are both really learning more about our roles within our marriage and how importnant it is for me to submit to Mike as he leads this family (including two more in a few weeks – agh! πŸ™‚ )

  17. Ok so here’s the deal…thsi is the kinda stuff I need to learn sister-roo, miracle mentor…godly woman/wife one day…not so clear, don’t really know how…oh and the whole budget thing…I need me some more Mama Cindy time!

  18. The bible says to Submit to one Another! Before it tells wives to submit! Mutual respect and mutual submission to me is key to letting go and being ale to follow! It is a choice! Don’t be a doormat but choose to give each other respect! I admit I was doormatted in the past and it has taken a while to get to the mutual part but now things are MUCH better…My advice! Both Parties BE who God Calls you to BE from the start

  19. I totally don’t mean to go all Baptisty on ya here…

    I have a little different viewpoint. The bible that I like is my trusty New American Standard bible. The verse reads a bit different in the NAS than in the NIV. Partly this is because the NIV is transliterated phrase by phrase, and the NAS is transliterated word by word.

    The main difference is in the word “submit.” In the NAS it is “subject.” It differentiates between the two words though. The word sumbit is used as in, “Submit, therefore unto the Lord.” But in the Ephesians passage it uses “subject.” This puzzled me. So I did some pondering.

    Our family goes by a “mutual-submission” model. My personal opinion through the study of the word is that Jesus is the leader of our home, and we, together submit to Him. But when we’re dealing with issues together, we subject ourselves together. However, I do feel that as the man, the full responsibility of our family’s decisions fall on my shoulders. I just don’t feel that because I have junk and my wife doesn’t that that somehow enables me to make better decisions.

    I know that this is a touchy subject for a lot of people. But for my family, it has been so good to view ourselves as equals, subjecting ourselves to each other, and submitting only to one leader.

    Sorry for the long, novel-esque comment…you can pay me back later.

  20. Thank you Cindy. I’m going through some hard times and once again you have helped.

    As I was typing my post today, I was ready to submit to my tears, but I decided to check out your blog. God spoke to me and said “her words helped before, maybe there might be something in her posts that will help you again.”

  21. So….this much I can say on the subject. As a young twenty-something, I was very blessed to be in a bible study with some older women who were or had been married for some years. One of the women blessed me with a copy of a book called “Daughters of Sarah” that is all about being a submissive wife. It chronicles many different women and their relationship with their husbands and many of the “…but what if my husband…” type of interjections. Despite the different situations, even one where the husband isn’t a believer or acting as spiritual leader, by the authority of the Lord that we submit to and the covenant of marriage that we took before the Lord, this is our role. It doesn’t mean that we are without input or opinion, but that ultimately we believe that our husbands bear the brunt of the responsiblity and the Lord’s judgement for our family and therefore, the final decision is his.

    This was a totally new concept for me, but challenged me in a great way to want to be that in my relationship. This was eay at first, but like Derrick mentioned, my godly husband found himself living in his “junk” before himself submitting some things to the Lord. My fear kicked in with a great disappointment in the Lord (because of my own unmet expectations) and as my trust in the Lord was lacking, so followed the lack of trust in my husband’s leadership. Now, as I have resubmitted to the Lord’s authority in my life, I see also the areas where I took hold of the reigns in my household out of the fear and lack of security and have had to resubmit those things to my incredible husband.

    So I do see a great correlation in my subjection/submission to the Lord’s authority in my life and the submission to my husband’s leadership. Ultimately, it wasn’t about whether my husband was or wasn’t capable, but whether I was allowing him to take the responsibility, get out of his way and trust the Lord for the rest. And can I just say, that my husband is doing an amazing job!! I’m so proud of him and so thankful that the Lord is in control of our lives.

  22. uh…even waiting this many days to comment…I think I’ll save my most controversial ones for my blog. (grin)
    I will say this though. I think Paul’s message to the church was along the lines of “whatever situation you find yourself in, suck it up and serve God, not man.” Just to paraphrase a little. (grin)

  23. (Single, non-US male, mid 30s)

    I found your blog through flowerdust. Same like Jimmy, I’ve been wanting to reply with my thoughts, but this post is just so special and rare in our current/’modern’ US culture..so I’ll try to be careful with my words πŸ™‚

    Far too long the dating and marriage culture in the ‘modern’ US have been tainted and distorted by political correctness, extreme feminism (disclaimer: I am not against women/men equality) and last but not least, Hollywood.

    I just hope more women and men set aside their egos and listen to the bible more when it comes to marriage and dating, perhaps by then we can avoid all the mess and dysfunctions.

    I’m glad at least I have a good role model of what marriage should be (mom/dad married for 43 years and counting). Obviously he said that it’s definitely not all ‘wine and roses’ (his words)…but many nights/days when you as a person couldn’t possibly stand either your spouse, or the situation around him/her (the in-laws..*gasp*), you have nothing else to depend on except for God’s love to enable you to love each other.

    I’m really afraid of heights so I’m gonna step down now…(don’t steal my soap box, I might be back sometime!)

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