Miscellaneous

Sleepin’ Single In A Double Bed

Brooke writes:
I’m 27, single, and still figuring life out. I really enjoy reading anything about being single, finding a husband, God’s will for your life, life changes, etc…you get the idea!
A fellow Life Churcher, Coco, shares her heart:
I’m 35 yrs old I have a hard time grasping the fact that I’m still single. I go through days where I think that there might be something wrong with me, or even the silly thought that “maybe God’s has forgotten about me”. And I know that God has not forgotten me, and that He hold my future in his hands. I feel like I’m a pretty solid Christian but I have my moment where I feel that maybe I’m in the wrong place…. I could go on and on. Any suggestions?
Well. As I wrote recently, I don’t have a file on this one. The Reader’s Digest version for my love life is that I went from being taken care of by my momma to being supported by my hubby. I was married at 22 years old…not even out of college yet. I will be the first to admit that I don’t know what it’s like to wait for the person you desire to love. I went to sleep one night and he was on my doorstep the next day. And although I have some thoughts to share because, even though I have no file on this, I still have the Holy Spirit, amen? I certainly hope this doesn’t sound like a cop out because IT’S NOT, Y’ALL, IT’S NOT, I thought I would ask some of my readers to chime in. I know many of you have waited for years to meet the person of your dreams.  Many of you are still waiting. What encouragement, hope and advice can you share with Brooke, Coco and any other readers who are single?

18 thoughts on “Sleepin’ Single In A Double Bed”

  1. I wish I had some sage advice here, but I was married at 26…and probably still too immature, but whatever.

    Anyway, I can say I know several women who were the epitome of patience in this area and I cannot tell you how God blessed them for that. I have always admired their ability to not panic. Which is probably what I would have done.

    Looking forward to others thoughts on this.

  2. okay – well i do have a file on this. it is something that is near and dear to my heart. i have a wonderful story of waiting on God for my husband etc.
    what i did is let Jesus become my husband. i know it has been said before, but i actually stopped dating, stop playing around and only followed Him.
    Prayer was also huge, along with staying pure ( that comes when actually internalizing that Jesus is your husband and you live out His word)
    And when my husband came in to my life, i knew he(my husband) was from God because my husband was helping me grow in my walk not pull me back. My husband honored my desire to be pure and did not mock me, which was huge because some men i met thought i was crazy –
    any way – i could go on… i have a file that is 32 years old 😉 thanks for letting me share

  3. my best friend, who just turned 29, is single. i know it’s something that she struggles with, and i don’t always know how to encourage or help her.

    drew and i pray for her ~ pray that she will someday have a husband ~ but we don’t have the comfort or security of knowing that day is certain, so we can’t offer that comfort for her. Christ might be the only husband she ever knows.

    her life is full. and she has a wonderful spirit. she inspires me in so many ways. i know that the ministry she is doing now could not be accomplished with as much fervor or devotion if she also had a man to love. all of her love is poured into her children’s ministry, and it is an amazing thing to behold.

    i guess my advice/comfort/encouragement would be, for those who are single, to pour your lives into ministry ~ into relationships that you would not have time or energy for if you were married. i speak as a married woman who was deeply involved in discipleship and women’s ministry before marriage, and i now have an unsatisfied passion for those things. my marriage (while bringing so many joys) has necessitated a number of deep and painful sacrifices, including setting aside my personal ministry for a few years while my husband attends seminary. it’s a privilege to share life with my husband, but i am fully aware of Paul’s point that single people can be wholly devoted to the Lords’ work in a way that married people can not.

  4. My file is still open. 🙂 I think the biggest thing for me is to know that I would rather be in God’s will than ANYWHERE else… no matter how tall, dark and handsome someone might be. My time is a GIFT. I am able to pour myself into other peoples lives and into different organizations, trips, etc because my time is not divided.

    And who said singleness is bad thing?????? Paul sure didn’t think so in 1 Corinthians 7:32-35.

    I think the key is CONFIDENCE. Find out who you are, what your gifts are, what God is calling you to do, where you’re going, what you want, who you are. And don’t just sit around waiting/looking for Prince Charming… LIVE IT UP!!!!!! I’ve never heard someone say “Man, I wish I would have gotten married earlier”. It’s always “Man, I wish I would have done more while I was single.”

  5. I think when we are so in love with God that nothing else matters, it is the most attractive thing to the opposite sex.

    After all of my friends got married, I thought I was being left behind and that God forgot about me. However, it couldn’t have been further from the truth. I had come to the point in my life where I had decided that I wasn’t going to think about men at all and that I was done with dating. My thought was if God had a man for me He was going to have to throw him in my face. I was going to ignore all other advances such as flirting, dates, etc. My plan was to focus on finishing school (that I had been putting off too long), getting my masters and getting a job in my degree field. Pretty much just focusing on what I knew God wanted me to do and nothing else. I was tired of my emotions getting in the way.

    Looking back, every step I took was led by God. I moved to go to a different school campus, which meant that I had to find a church in my new community. I choose to go to one particular church because there were several people my own age in attendance and they seemed really nice. Little did I know that one of those “nice people” would end up being my now husband.

    I got involved in a small group with those “nice people” and ended up becoming great friends with them. Through ministry in the church, my future husband and I fell in love with each other. I was so against going on dates at this point, one of my girl-friends had to trick me to going to a Selah concert and having my now husband show up when we both thought other people were coming too.

    God has your future in his hands. Just because you may not have found your future mate doesn’t mean that you cannot lead a God-honoring and exciting lifestyle. Embrace your freedom now 🙂 as a chapter of your life. God can use every stage of life to minister to those around us. It just might be that God has big things for your that a mate would interfere with at this time of your life. Stay strong! 🙂

  6. I was single until I was 32. The Lord encouraged me greatly with Psalm 37, especially verse 4. My heart’s desire had always been to be married, but as the years passed, I began to lose hope. Finally, the Lord put it on my heart that I should spend my time delighting in the Lord, and delighting the Lord. The end result, I reasoned, would be that He would either 1) give me the desire of my heart – a husband – in His timing, or 2) change the desire of my heart, replacing it with a desire of His making. Either one would relieve the heartbreak of singleness. Delighting in the Lord meant realizing that the Lord had a purpose for my singleness, for as long as He allowed it to last. So, it made good sense to me to make the most of that time – to redeem the time for His glory. I was active in my singles’ group at church, but even more active in other church ministries – music, children, youth, and other areas. I grew to depend on the Lord daily for my emotional needs, so that when the Lord did bring my husband along, I didn’t depend on him to fulfill me and make me happy. God was already taking care of that! God matured me in so many ways during those years, and I believe He was making me a better wife, before I ever married. My husband and I actually dated my senior year of high school – his freshman year of college, then broke up when I started college. 14 years later, the Lord brought us back together. We sometimes regret that we “lost” those years, but we both praise the Lord for the marriage He was creating and perfecting behind the scenes during our singleness.

  7. Hi Cindy,

    I have tons of advise for singles. 😀 1. Check my blog. There are several blogs with scriptures for singles and some hopefully encouragement for singles. Dennis and I married last year and I am well over 30. My pastor growing up always told us, “Don’t get married until you are 35.” I tried to follow that directive. (not really but it ended up that way).

    My Ultimate word to single people is this…Seek God and He will give you the desires of your heart. If you desire in your heart to marry then God has someone especially for you….someone He designed you for and who He designed for you. He has not forgotten you. He loves you and has a plan for you. Just seek Him. He will lead you to “The One” he has for you.

  8. I have always found Gods timing with everything just so amazing.God saved me at the age of 32,after I had exprienced the lowest time in my life.I was heartbroken,lonely and desperate.I had never gone to church…literally,and didn’t know anything about Jesus.I couldn’t believe that I was not yet married or had children,and the chance of this seemed completely remote.But God always has a plan….,and HE knows everythng about us…our thoughts, desires,needs,purpose etc etc.Anyway my intimate relationship with Jesus began,and my life has never been the same.At the age of 34 I got married to an American(I am English).I met him at the first ever church I attended in England.I now have 2 lovely boys and live here in the USA.The story goes on,but I think what i’m trying to say is that when things look particularly hopeless and dark JESUS never forgets about us.He loves us more than we can understand,and has a beautiful plan for each of our lives.We just all need to hold on to that.With Jesus anything is possible.

  9. I agree with SO MANY of the comments above. Singleness is a great time to explore and try new things and figure YOURSELF out!

    Though Andrew and I are not married (yet), I truly believe that God waited to bring him into my life. God’s timing is ALWAYS perfect (and seldom the same as ours). When Drew and I share stories of our ‘past lives’, it’s evident that we would NOT have been ready any earlier than the DAY we met.

    My two cents: 1.) Surrender it to God. Worrying about it is like sitting in a rocking chair–it gives you something to do, but doesn’t get you anywhere. 2.) Get busy! Try new things and develop interests, so when you do find your mate, you never run out of great stories! 🙂

  10. I don’t claim to know much….but being single myself, I do have some thoughts…

    Singleness is a BLESSING, just like marriage! For whatever reason, some of us are set apart from that. It doesn’t mean that we will never get married or that we will get married, just that both are blessings.

    Some of the people I’ve come to admire the lives of the most are (or were) single (Jesus, Mother Teresa, Rich Mullins). Great people who are sold out to the Father and really weren’t concerned with anyone else but Him.

    There’s nothing wrong with marriage and there’s nothing wrong with people wanting single people to share in the joys of marriage, but it is society that I believe has created this “I have to get married” or that’s just “what you do” mentality, not the bible.

    All we need is love, and if we’re seeking that in another person to fulfill something, we’re looking in the wrong areas. God created love, is love, and wants us to have love (Himself).

  11. I’m a bit of an expert on being single (again). I’ve been alone for 8 years (completely alone from a human perspective – not even a date). The first three years of my singleness I was not a Christian. They were difficult. I get lonely once in a while, especially when that monthly visitor pays a call. I’ve willingly resigned myself to God’s will for my life. If it’s part of His plan for me to get remarried some day, I don’t want to rush Him. He’ll have the perfect choice for me and wouldn’t want to give me anyone less than what He has planned. If He decides that my being a bride of Jesus is the only marriage in my future then I can honestly say, I’m satisfied with that. I’m more than satisfied with that. Does that mean I don’t still get lonely, not at all. I just remind myself that I’m Completely His. (That’s also the name of a great book by Shannon Etheridge). 🙂

  12. *Wears his fire retardant suit on*

    I won’t share too much since I’m somewhat jaded and skeptical about dating in the US due to my experience.

    All I am saying is that you need to go beyond all the cliches…”All I want is a nice guy” “Lord help me find my good cowboy” (I kid you not…). Women need to be VERY honest with what they want beyond all the politically correct things such as “He needs to love the Lord, humorous, and kind”. Really…many times there are other factors not being said: Race, Looks, Heights, culture and money. All taboo, but they are hidden requirements that all of us guys don’t get to see.

    I don’t want to toot my own horn, I think I offer a lot as a person, but I get passed on many times…and never graduate beyond the ‘friend zone’. I’m the one who women use to listen to dump on their problems, but they give themselves away to some other undeserving fellow.

    I’m not gonna sugar coat my post….dating in the US sucks. Too much mind games, too much passive-aggresiveness, too much distortion from Hollywood. If I had a penny everytime I hear “It’s all about being positive and confident”, I would’ve probably be rich enough to buy my own island.

    There are just too many things for me to share…but I’ll stop right here (for now).

  13. lol, i meant say more than that, but i hit enter too soon. but really, that’s all i have to say. i am not extraordinarily satisified being single. it is something i am working through.

  14. Thank so much for all these comments C.B. Grace and Saffron. They encourage me as I am waiting for the man God has for me. And I’m in the “older” category. The older you get, the less excited you are to be single. I wish I could get on the “single is great” bandwagon but I can’t. Been there, done that. Still didn’t make me wanna be single 🙂 Plus it would be false to say that I don’t desire to be married and have kids. But this journey has refined me, changed me, and made me into the woman God made me to be. And I’m thankful for it in a strange way and as crazy as it sounds I wouldn’t change it, it has challenged me to live life fully even when you aren’t exactly getting the desire of your heart at the moment. It taught me to love and know my Savior in a way I never did before. It also has taught me to have faith no matter what and that when God has placed a desire inside you (and the answer is “wait”), you believe Him for that no matter what comes you way. You believe even when your emotions say “no way” and you are crying cause there is no one in sight. Because all throughout the Bible God did the miraculous and most of the time the folks had to wait a long to time for it BUT it did come to pass. In God’s way and in His timing. Sorry for the long post but this is something that I’m been living for a while now.

  15. Cindy! Thank you so much for posting on this topic! It was very encouraging to read what other fantastic women had to say about being single…both from the married side and the single side. Thanks for being such a blessing 🙂

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