Sick Of Me

I’m undergoing an inner transformation. The reason why is that I am just so sick of me.  Sick of me thinking about me, whining about what I am not happy about, thinking about me thinking about how much I don’t want to think about me. You get the picture. One looking on from the outside might not see all the yuck I see in me and might even say I’m being overly dramatic.  Perhaps. But I know me.  I know the things that run through my head at a speed that is out of control.  I know the impure motives that I attempt to tame and how painful the killing of that flesh is.  I know that the duties I have in my life often cause me to walk in frustration when they interrupt my precious ME time. I also know that I won’t stay here.  That God won’t let me stay here.  God knows I don’t want to stay here. So pardon the construction site as I say goodbye to me. And shoot a prayer or thirty-three up for me.

13 thoughts on “Sick Of Me”

  1. Your heart is always in the right place. Period. And, the fact that you continue to want less of you and more of Him is just downright inspiring.

  2. If I was a writer and could put my thoughts into words, this could have been a post on my blog!! I have really been struggling with living in the flesh a LOT these days and that makes life with 4 kids (5 and under) very difficult.
    I could use 333 prayers

    … and now I am getting off the computer to do what I am supposed to be doing instead of what I want to be doing!!

  3. AMEN and I’m with ya. I’m relating on a whole new level to this and what a blessing to be reading along with a fellow person under construction! 🙂
    Thanks for sharing

  4. Can we hold a workshop when I get there? Can you teach me how to get to at least where you are now? Even at where you are tired of being now is soooo much further then I am yet?

    Always praying for you my friend!

  5. I know what you mean–about how you seem good to others, but we know our own hearts. I went to my parents’ church over Christmas and was convicted when the pastor used the illustration of how yellow a sheep looks against snow. I understood that, because that is how my heart is. I see it as clean, but it’s not clean when compared with Christ. At least we can go under all this construction together!

  6. Ever had an awl put through your ear?

    God has such an ability to speak though His written Word. That is why it is so important for us to be in it daily…to be in it more than we are ‘in’ TV, ‘in’ phone conversations, ‘in’ our day-to-day stuff.

    I have been struggling with some last bits of independence that just don’t want to die. I think I’ve given it all up, and then BAM, I’m hit with another revelation of something else that needs to go.

    I went through a study on being a Bond-Servant of Christ.

    What does that mean?

    Through a voluntary decision of love, that we choose bond servant status.

    (if you read in Exodus 21:2-6 you will see how servants were ‘branded with an awl put through their ear…ouch…that would be something hard to volunteer for!)

    We CHOOSE to be Christ’s bond servant.

    That means we give up our rights..the Master has absolute posession of us, we have nothing.

    We accept that we may get less than we want, and may also get more than we deserve…yet out of love for our Master, we choose to accept each and every provision with gratitude.

    Oh how I struggle with that! I want what I want and I want it NOW. I’ve never been into possessions, but I want answers, I want direction, I want clarity. I am being taught to accept and be grateful in my “not-knowing”.

    I have to walk in faith knowing that what God has promised, I have. I have to be secure in my faith, knowing that what I see, hear and taste all around me is not all that there is.

    He has called me into a new realm with Him.

    Let’s just say I KNOW construction….

    Through my deep, heart-wrenching sobbing, I had to enter a new place of saying “I accept what you have for me; I put no faith in myself or my abilities; I choose to be less than I think I am today knowing that Your ways are higher than my ways, and only in you I have all power to overcome, to minister and to live.

    Colossians 2:9-10

    For in him all the fullness of the Godhead dwells bodily and in Him you are made full, who is the head of all principality and power.

  7. cindy, i dont know what to say to this. put it this way…insert my name as author and then i will have said it all.

  8. I think if we are honest, this is a struggle for all of us! It has been very hard for me lately to stop thinking of my problems!!!!!

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