Mentoring

Rejection Vs. Acceptance

There is no such thing as an unwanted, adopted child. True or false? But often adopted children focus on the rejection of their birth parents vs. the acceptance of their adoptive parents. I am not adopted, but my oldest brother is. No one would ever know it, though. It was never an issue but we knew the truth about his birth. We knew the years my parents waited to conceive and did not. We knew the history behind his adoption with his biological mother. My parents never introduced him as their adopted son. I never said that I had one adopted brother and one biological brother. Nope. It’s actually  rather comical, but over the years many have said how much he and I look like each other. Of course we do. He’s my brother. Whom I happen to be crazy about. Even if he doesn’t call me while his wife does. Not bitter 🙂 My brother has had his share of struggles in life like anyone else. But, he knows who his family is. He knows that he is loved by us. He does not play a victim or feel rejection. He is a focused man who knows his purpose. And I couldn’t be more proud of him.

14 thoughts on “Rejection Vs. Acceptance”

  1. That’s wonderful. We have a very blended family and don’t make distinctions either. Every person is different though and acknowledging their feelings is an important validation.

    For an adopted child, there is a loss. The void might be wonderfully filled, but it’s important not to overlook the bond of birth. One doesn’t have to “play the victim” to feel a sadness for this loss.

  2. First time I’ve heard that your brother was adopted! 😉

    I have a close friend that adopted a son when he was a new-born. She said some of his feelings of rejection have never gone away, even though he was loved no differently than the rest of her family (I know that for sure).

    In my own mind, it even seems like adopted children are even MORE wanted.

    I’m glad I’m adopted by HIM!!

  3. Reminds me of this scripture:

    Romans 8:15
    For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, “Abba, Father.”

    From what I have read of the Jewish culture/law when a child is adopted by Jewish parents they can never disown that child becuase they choose him. A biological son can be disowned but not an adopted one.

    The Bible says we are adopted by God.

    That is acceptance.

  4. Mike and I have a strong desire to adopt. We were actually planning to begin the process this year, and when we got pregnant, we decided to still continue the process. Once we found out it was twins we made the decisions to put the process on hold until the boys got older. We feel led to adopt a son from the Ukraine and name him Timothy (“Honoring God”). Because throughout our process we evaluated our reasons for wanting to adopt – and yes one reason is to provide a home for a child – but also to be a testimony of the Gospel – Adoption is the heart of the Gospel. Our purpose was to honor the Lord. Well, Mike had a dream a couple nights after that conversation, that we adopted a blonde hair 5 year old named Timothy. We took the dream lightly, and then looked up what Timothy means and it means “To Honor God”. So, one day we will bring Timothy home and we are trusting on the Lord for his perfect timing!

  5. There is no such thing as an unwanted, adopted child.

    True

    I Love him to so much and Pray that He will seek me out someday. He will be 20 soon.

    He so wasn’t unwanted. He was wanted so much that I wanted to make sure he had everything he could want.

  6. My son who I gave up for adoption 20 years ago was very loved. I think of him every day.
    I pray he is in a family as wonderful as yours 🙂

  7. Thanks for that! My mom is adopted, and I am not sure how it was explained to her or how she was treated, but she definitely feels like she wasn’t wanted, which is really sad. We have thought about adopting if we want more children, because there are so many kids out there that need parents! I totally see it as chosing, not not being wanted.

  8. How do I explain to people who haven’t ever walked in my shoes that giving up a child is the hardest thing in the world to do?

    That in most cases the birth mother is devasted by her choice. That there are nights after you have given birth where you lay in a fetal position and just cry for your baby. Even though you know they are better off without you. Better off where you have placed them.

    I was blessed to have been able to pick my sons parents. I am sure that this made the process easier then it for those that have no idea where they child is.

    I love my son. I love my son so much that I wanted him to have a mom and dad. I wanted him to have a home and be raised in a big family.

    As much as the child my feel unwanted. I as the parent feel worthless.

  9. Apologies for inserting update into post comment off topic.

    I’m writing to let you know my Sharing Notes blog is history.

    If I happen to be on your link list, below is my new blog name/address (if I am not on your link list, no worries what so ever… if you are receiving this you are on my link list – please let me know if problem):

    Roxanne Kristina
    http://roxannekristina.blogspot.com/

    If you would like more details please read this post:
    http://roxannekristina.blogspot.com/2008/09/dear-ones-link-list.html

    Blessings,
    Roxanne

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