Marriage

Put A Lock On It

There’s a woman who loves her job. Not only does she love it, but she is defined by it. She wouldn’t know who she is without it. Not only that, but there are some men who pay a little too much attention to her at the workplace. And she kinda likes it. She wants to keep the communication open with her husband so she tells him about the advances. He is obviously concerned that she isn’t putting up her guard with these men. He asks her to consider finding another place to work…for the sake of their marriage. She doesn’t like the idea. After all, she isn’t going to have an affair. She would never do such a thing. It’s just innocent, office flirting that boosts her self-esteem. She doesn’t see anything wrong with it. Unfortunately, it has become all about her and not her marriage. Because I’ve been at a place where my marriage was literally hanging on by a thread, I am so very particular about this topic. When my husband recited his vows to me some fifteen years ago, he would have told you that he would never have forsaken his vows. Most people don’t plan to commit adultery. It happens. One slippery step at a time. What is it for you? What are you not willing to lay down to protect your marriage? It doesn’t always have to do with the opposite sex. Is your marriage worth it? Something to think about.

19 thoughts on “Put A Lock On It”

  1. Good question… i will be brave and answer first…the one thing that is hard for me to “put down” for my marriage is the way i feel about my body. – i “feel bad” about the way i look so it leads to many thing like – running alot, always eating dinner at home- i like to make my meals- being nervous to go out in public- all of this strains my marriage and my hubby is always asking if i would just “let go” and love my body the way God does ie just how it is…. so it is not another man, but years of low self- esteem that gets in the way of our relationship….

  2. Andrew and I have been talking about this kind of stuff ever since we began dating. Lately, the biggest thing we’ve discussed is ‘friend time.’ All of my close girl friends are still single and want to hang out, go dancing, go to the movies, spend time together. That is very important, and I will continue to maintain those friendships, but not at the cost of my relationship with Andrew (and not as often as when I was single).

    We’ve talked a lot about maintaining that balance, and it’s sticky, because it’s easy for friends to feel forgotten or unappreciated. For now, we are very intentional about our “girls’ nights” and “guys’ nights”, and make sure we set aside a day or two per month to spend alone with our friends. Otherwise, it would be easy to neglect our relationship and continue hanging out with our single friends like we are still single ourselves.

  3. I am always fighting somethign that is getting in the way. It seems like once I defeat one thing another thing jumps up to replace and the battle comtinues. But I keep fighting

  4. Pride and letting go. When I put down my wall and treat him the way he should be treated things are much better. I need to stop waiting for him to treat me the way I want.

  5. I love my boys, but by the time they are in bed Tim and I are tired from the day and just want to sit and watch t.v. So I would say kids get in our way and work=)

  6. “It’s just innocent, office flirting that boosts her self-esteem. She doesn’t see anything wrong with it.”

    I think that’s the problem right there….this goes nicely with the other thread about Trust….she is losing her husband’s trust, not because of the flirting that she received, but she welcomes them.

    Some people will go the extra mile to get attention from others just to feel good about themselves.

    I like Mary B’s answer. I see many women seeing stuff like “Treat me like the princess that I am”. I am sure they’ll be fuming if all guys say “Yeps, gotta find me a woman who’ll treat me like a King”

    Treat each other with respect, love, kindess and open communication…at least that’s what I’ve heard.

  7. Cindy –

    I’ve read your blog for quite some time now, and I really appreciate this one!

    I am in my first year of marriage…to a pastor, no less…so I often find myself carefully observing woman who have more experience with both marriage and marriage in the ministry than I do. I find that these are some of the strongest, most encouraging, most insightful women on the planet! Often these woman have been though hell and back, and I believe their stories are so powerful.

    On the other hand, I encounter woman all the time who have been beaten down and broken because of their marriages (and unfortunatly, in some cases, because of the ministry as well).

    Both cases are great examples to me in my young marriage. On the one hand, I have wonderful examples of woman who have incredible perspective and courage, who have made wise decisions and put their marriage at “top priority” status. Sadly, the latter shows me exactly what can happen to us all if we don’t have our eyes open to the possibilities of what may be.

    Like you said, “most people don’t plan to commit adultry.” Being aware that it COULD happen can keep it from being something that WOULD happen.

    So, to answer your question. “Is my marriage worth it?” As I approach my first anniversary, I say a huge “ABSOLUTELY.” I am willing to do whatever it takes to never have to think about think answer.

  8. There’s nothing I wouldn’t give up if our marriage was in a jam. It’s not, but there have been slippery slopes and we’ve made drastic changes.

    ‘preciate this post.

  9. cindy…not to play devil’s advocate but you know for a fact that MOST women are going to say that their husbands should not ask them to give up their job. because his request is selfish and most likely based on insecurity.

    …not her job to make feel him secure about their relationship…if something changes, she’ll let him know…right?

  10. You have a valid point, Michael. And this scenario could go the other way with the husband having this job scenario.

    The bottom line here is that, in my opinion, if you want your marriage to thrive and be the most amazing earthly relationship on earth, it takes a lot of sacrifice. There are so many things that stand in the way. So, my question remains…what are you not willing to lay down for the sake of your marriage?

    If people aren’t willing to sacrifice some things, they will rarely get what they truly want. Our pastor says, “Sacrifice is giving up something you love for something you love more.”

    Thanks for the thought to chew on…

  11. Very good point. Talked with a lady last week that is in a desparate situation with her marriage and teens, but was NOT willing to give up a Bible study that lasted all day once a week. (even though her kids need some heavy attention right now). Sometimes, we even have to be willing to give up good things. What’s it worth to us?

  12. I think one of the big problems lies when a person says, “I’ll never do THAT.”

    When you set yourself up as infalible (even if only in one area), failure almost beckons you, because you feel as if you can get away with a lot (flirt, etc), but you will never do THAT.

    Making choices while they are small is the key.

    I say give up ANYTHING if it gets in the way of the vows you made (jobs, internet, tv, relationships). None of it is worth your soul.

  13. There’s a woman who loves her faith. Not only does she love it, but she is defined by it. She wouldn’t know who she is without it. Not only that, but there are some men who pay a little too much attention to her at the workplace, ie, the world.
    And she kinda likes it.
    She wants to keep the communication open with her Lord, so she tells him about the advances. He is obviously concerned that she isn’t putting up her guard with these men. He asks her to consider finding another purpose to her work…for the sake of their relationship.
    She doesn’t like the idea. After all, she isn’t going to have an affair. She would never do such a thing. It’s just innocent, office flirting that boosts her self-esteem. She doesn’t see anything wrong with it.
    Unfortunately, it has become all about her and not her faith.
    Because I’ve been at a place where my salvation was literally hanging on by a thread, I am so very particular about this topic.
    Most people don’t plan to lose their. It happens. One slippery step at a time.
    What is it for you? What are you not willing to lay down to protect your purpose? It doesn’t always have to do with the lack of proof, the “good vibrations” of feeling “God”.
    Is your salvation worth it?
    Something to think about? How much sacrifice does it take?

    Loved the post, Cindy. Sorry about the rewrite. I wanted to look at it from a slightly different angle. It works from the male angel too, but that might push too many “manly” buttons. (grin)
    I left the part about your marriage out intentionally. Again, this post wasn’t pointed at you. Even if this is your blog. (grin)

  14. I totally lost my marriage because my husband isn’t a social person. So he would go to work in the evening and I would have big parties at my house. This created situations for me to compare my boring married life to my party social life. My husband and I split up for almost 3 years. I can seriously say that I would sacrifice anything for my marriage. The Lord blessed me by reuniting Craig and I. I am very fortunate to appreciate what I have. I know what it is like to lose your partner. I remember a few months ago a couple bloggers were discussing how the grass is greener on the other side. I believe that you and Scott summed up that scenerio by saying. The grass still needs to be mowed! I think that you should write a book with that title and create a premarital bible study for couples.

  15. I’m willing and can I tell you some of the things that I have given up to protect our marriage.
    -buying entertainment/fashion magazines
    -having a non-password protected computer
    -not having MTV, E!, USA and all the shows that I love to watch on those channels blocked and password protected
    -Victoria’s Secret mailing list
    -myspace.com and facebook.com
    …among so many other “little” things that make a huge difference, all because I have a husband who has been open and vulnerable enough with me to let me know how these things can create a stumbling block for him. Do I miss those things, sure! But do I miss them more than I long to for a fulfilled marriage where my husband is pursuing purity more than ever and can trust me enough to tell me?? It is worth it, tenfold!
    What else? The answer is yes, I’ll do it.

  16. That’s a doozy, I remember going to my hubby’s work and him telling his emplyee(female) how good she smelled and than turning to me and asking me to buy that bottle of perfume in front of her! she was known by the staff as “his pet” Hubby doesn’t think there was anything wrong with it, he said i had a jealousy problem nothing he could do about it, it’s my problem! He left that job and at the good bye supper I saw in his eyes how he looked at her, and offended by the deep cleavage, my heart was broken! That’s how he used to look at me! Not trusting him was also apparently my problem. I thank God for this site, would i have gone crazy? God forbid! the storm came my hubby got armed robbed, guy arrested and all. I asked my husband if he would trust the guy again without apology and promise to never do that again, of course not! was his answer. That’s when I told him he had a trusting issue, really, a doozy! That’s all inside of you, it’s your prblem! That’s when the light came in! Glory to God!
    Thank you God for all your perfect storm, thank you!
    Boundaries are the issues,
    mind you 7 years ago we went for counselling
    it had not change his heart only GOD can do that!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.