My Dad Would Have Driven a Golf Cart At Our Campus

It’s official. I’ve spent more of my life without my Dad than I did with him.  This coming March will mark 20 years since his passing when I was merely 19 years old. I rarely voice it to anyone, but I miss him more now than I did when I was 20, 25 or even 30.  The only reason I know this is because during coffee a few weeks ago my friend actually asked me about him and how I got over his death.  Imagine my surprise when those words came out of my mouth: “I miss him more today than I did back then.” I miss that he doesn’t know that I have a diploma hanging on my wall from the same university that he did.  I miss that he doesn’t know that I fell in love with my husband in the exact same town that he did with my mom.  I miss that he’ll never hear my sons laugh or see them play a sport.  I miss that he missed the best of me because I was a punky teenager the last time he talked to me. I’ve healed from his death.  I’ve dealt with issues that bothered me about him.  I’ve let go of things that happened and didn’t happen.  I now just remember the great times and his silly antics. My father would have talked to anyone and anything that moves.  He was the life of the party and everyone’s friend.  He worked hard but also rested hard.  Maybe a little too hard, right Mom? 🙂 My Dad was passionate and dare I say it, a little on the gullible side.  I shriek to think what my dad would have done if he received an email stating that “he has the opportunity to earn 10% of 2,500,000,000 if he’ll just give them $1,500 to get the ball rolling.” According to my mother, I am my father.  And I take that as a wonderful compliment. Many of us in life have lost people “before their time”. Children aren’t supposed to die.  Siblings aren’t supposed to miss the birth of their first niece or nephew.  And Fathers are supposed to walk their daughters down the aisle on their wedding day. If you know someone who has lost someone close to them even if it was 20 years ago, take a moment to ask them about it. Sometimes it’s just nice to remember. Thanks for asking, Marcy.

13 thoughts on “My Dad Would Have Driven a Golf Cart At Our Campus”

  1. He does know about your diploma, Chris, and your beautiful boys. And he was there walking you down the aisle, he may not be here in body but his spirit is always with you.

    I miss my Grandpa more and more every year as well but it helps the pain (just a little) to know that he is still around me all the time.

  2. Thanks for posting this. Today marks 17 years since my Dad died – I was fourteen. And every word of this makes perfect sense to me… and my heart needed to hear it. So mucho thanks…

  3. In the last week i have been brought to verge of tears in memory of my dad twice. today was the second time. what is it about the thought that does that? my dad died almost 14 years ago and i haven’t shed a tear in thoughts about him in years.

  4. It’s been almost 4 months since my Granny died and I keep thinking I am ok…and then a RANDOM something will happen and I will just lose it. I gain control faster…but I just sometimes cannot breath. I know Grandparents are supposed to die…I realize it’s the one thing we are all guaranteed…I just didn’t know it would be then. It hurts. It sucks! I know she is LOVING Heaven and have NO DOUBT she is there…I know she Loved God with all her heart…I just miss her. I miss her voice. Her “Hi Tam” was soooo distinct….anyway, thank you for the post…it spoke to me…

  5. It will be 9 years next month since I have been without my dad. I miss him more than I can say. He never got to walk me down the aisle, or meet my husband, or meet my “wedding gift” daughters. He would have LOVED taking my 14 year old VERY much a tomboy stepdaughter fishing, and the giggle from my VERY girly 6 year old stepdaughter would make him laugh until he hurt. I find comfort that as I pray for the healing that my husband and my marriage needs, he is praying on behalf of me at The Father’s throne and that someday he WILL meet my family.

    My only nephew got married last week – a young man that my father took amazing pride in until we lost him when my nephew was 14…and again, I know that MY father is looking down on him with love and respect at the amazing young man he has become. I miss him terribly and realizing how much I miss him makes me appreciate the time I have with my mom all the more.

    Thank you for the reminder!

  6. Wow. I have so been feeling this same thing. I lost my dad 17 years ago. I was 21. I do miss him now than I did back then. I am healed from his death, but not from what I am missing of him now. I miss that my kids do not know what an amazing man he was. I miss that I cannot go to him with my questions, and get his advice. I miss that my husband did not know him well. (He died 6 months before my wedding). I miss knowing what Christ would have turned his life into . (He came to know him 4 months before his death).

    Wow, this has turned into a thing about me. Anyway, thanks for posting!!

  7. Thanks for reminding me how blessed I am. I still have my dad; alive and reasonably healthy, at the age of 88 and in remission from prostate cancer.

  8. Cindy,

    I am going to be meeting you in April at Cross Timbers in Keller, TX. I am good friends with Mel Snare and am planning our women’s conference with her. I have been following your blog and am so excited to meet you and chat with you!!!!

    My dad died when I was 19. I miss him now more than ever too. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings – I feel the same way!

    I think we have a lot in common & I can’t wait to meet you 🙂

  9. My dad died when I was 14. It’s been almost 19 years since he’s been gone and I totally get missing him more now. I often think about the conversations he would have had with my husband, the advice he would have given us, the stories he would have told his grandchildren, and how much fun he would have had seeing his kids grow up, having an empty nest with my mom, and being a grandpa!

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