Loving Right


Somewhere along the 7-year mark in our marriage, Chris and I read a book called The Five Love Languages. We quickly learned what our languages were and that we’d been trying to love each other only to find that we were speaking the wrong language. Can anyone hear what I’m sayin’? Let me explain. Occasionally, Chris would come home early from work. He’d come in, get his grubby clothes on and go outside and mow the yard. Sometimes he would even wash my car. Then, he’d come inside and say, “I mowed the yard for you and washed your car.”My thought? Big fat hairy deal. I couldn’t have cared less. However comma I made an attempt, a poor one at that, to thank him. I, on the other hand, would often ask him to sit down next to me on the sofa so we could talk and connect. Or maybe I would ask him to go to the grocery story with Noah and me. He’d always oblige but was far from thrilled at the offer. Chris was loving me the way he wanted to be loved. And I was loving him the way I wanted to be loved. He is an acts of service kind of guy, and I am a quality time girlie girl. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. That’s right! You’ve been loving each other incorrectly for over seven years. Tell ’em what they’ve won, Johnny. Needless to say, we both changed the way we did things. It actually became rather fun for us, too. I’d look for ways to love him by doing things for him. Right before he comes home from work, I’ll pick up around the house and light a candle. Simple tasks but they tell him, “My woman loves me.” And I love to put a smile on his handsome face. He is also amazing at spending quality time with me. He’ll often come home and say, “Why don’t we all go to the park together?” Sniff…tear…are you serious? You love me that much?

As a matter of fact he does.

Anybody out there have any love language stories to share? (Originally posted on January 23, 2008)

9 thoughts on “Loving Right”

  1. Well gifts are definitely my love language…so many times I have tried to show my love by leaving little gifts for my husband and couldn’t understand why he wasn’t so thrilled. I mean I will spend hours looking for just the right thing. And he didn’t quite understand why I would be upset when he wouldn’t get and wrap a gift for my birthday. He’s always say, “we’ll go out shopping and get you something nice”….just not the same for us gift people. But after almost 20 years we are getting better and I don’t spend as much time finding the perfect gift, but more on telling him how much I love him.

  2. If I want to tell the Foxy Mr how much I love him, I make sure there are sweeper marks in the carpet and a tidy living room when he comes home from work.

  3. My husband and I just read this book last year….after 7 years of marriage, mind you. We found out we were loving each other ALL WRONG!! I would leave him notes, send him texts, ask him to just sit in the same room with me while I did stuff, you know, quality time….loving him the way I wanted to be loved, but who knew clean toilets, clean house, and yummy dinner was all he required?!?! This book has been such a blessing in our marriage!! It really took out the strain we were constantly facing because we weren’t speaking the same language! Great re-post, Cindy!! 🙂

  4. Are we in the same marriage?? I am definitely a quality time girl, and he’s definitely a serve-ya-kind-of-guy! I gotta add, having a ‘quality time’ love language can be VERY difficult in ministry (and just life in general, three kids, job, activities…) BUT Kevin intentionally plans time to spend with me. It ain’t perfect, but at least we’re aware – and try to meet the other where ‘they are.’ Thanks for sharing!

  5. OMG! We did the exact.same.thing!

    We discovered we were SHOWING the gift we wanted to RECEIVE. It was crazy! After cycles and cycles of arguments we finally got it. (I’m acts of service/words of affirmation and he’s physical touch/gifts).

    It sure was a big sigh of relief when we finally figured it out!


  6. ok, this has to stop or I am going to think you are stalking my brain CINDY! I just ordered this book on Saturday from Amazon and am anxiously awaiting the delivery. One thing I am noticing is that my hubby indeed needs more quality time….NOT MY FACEBOOK HABIT…

  7. I have that book and “The Five Love Languages of Children”. You learn a whole lot about kids that you never realized. I did!

    As for me and my honey… I learned his primary love language is “touch”. I can breath on him and he acts like he’s going to pass out from pleasure. I’m like you Cindy… quality time. He enjoys spending time with me. We were out of sync for so long. I’m so happy God gave us our miracle, as He did you for your marriage.

  8. Oh man, JT is TOUCH fo sho! I’m a “tell-me-how-great-I-am-and-bring-me-gifts” kind of girl. We learned that, thankfully, before we got married! Doesn’t mean we don’t have to remind each other! Can I get an amen, yo!

  9. C and I took a Love Languages workshop as part of our marriage counseling. And let me tell you, it was an eye opener. We too, were loving each other the wrong way. I’m a gifts girl and he’s a quality time guy… once we figured that out, it went a little smoother. 🙂

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