Marriage

Life After Porn – Part 4

Let the Healing Begin

The morning I woke up to head back to Oklahoma from Texas was the first morning in weeks that peace was upon me. Actually, peace covered me like a blanket and let me tell you, it was well received. While it was only a few weeks in the pit of despair, it felt like a lifetime. Chris greeted us with open arms and a warm home. He’d spent that week grieving himself and hoping his wife would return to give it another shot. We were about to embark on the most difficult road ever…the road to healing and restoration. While there were plenty who were skeptical of Chris’ heart, he proved to be the real deal. Many men in his situation might have waited to find a “better” job…one more comparable to his previous one. Chris, on the other hand, only wanted to provide for his family doing whatever was necessary. He began selling 2X4’s at a local home improvement store and did that successfully for 18 months. It is not by accident that I landed a part-time position at LifeChurch.tv just six weeks after Chris’ resignation. I was around the lead pastors on a daily basis and I’m sure my face was a litmus test as to the condition of our marriage. Not only that, but these amazing men and our congregation, led by our senior pastor, Craig Groeschel, supported and loved us from day one. Many ministers who fall into this type of sin end up next to the curb. Even though it was difficult, my pastor and friend took the narrow road for which I am forever grateful. Chris began to build back my trust in him. He was accountable to a few and never once got defensive when I needed to share how I felt. As we endured the pain and the consequences of his actions, I committed to God that I would not throw Chris’ sin back in his face. Frankly, I didn’t need to…the man lived in brokenness. And still, to this day, he has NEVER been defensive when I have asked questions or when I tell him I’m hurting. He will tell you that he is willing to spend the rest of his life working to rebuild my trust if that’s what it takes. Isn’t that amazing? I mentioned that Chris only worked at the home improvement store for 18 months. His length of time there was only cut short by the new role that Craig offered him at LifeChurch.tv. And within a year of his new position there, he’d be leading the same campus where he fell some two and half years earlier. Talk about kicking Satan in the… I’m sorry, did I say that out loud? We are not at the end. The restoration is progressing, but not over. We still have our days where it hurts. Days where we re-live it when others go through a similar situation. Days where we have to explain to our 8-year old why he has a brother who is not his mother’s child. And the fact that we have an amazing relationship with Chris’ son and his mom is nothing short of a modern-day miracle in itself. Come back tomorrow. More good news is on the way.

8 thoughts on “Life After Porn – Part 4”

  1. GIRL!
    I have to tell you… God is using your story in my life. I am living your story right now.. I am at the part where you left with your son to go spend time with your mom. I drove a 14 hour drive from Florida to Pennsylvania with my 1 year old son to find some solace and healing and … well to run to my mommy! MY mom is an amazing one too.
    God is so good. Can you believe that you have chosen to re-tell your story, just at the same time as I am living it?
    I need to hear that I am not alone in this. And I need to read that there is “life after porn” and life after a truly broken marriage, and truly broken hearts.
    Would you be interested in emailing?
    I am longing for the day when I can say “there is life after this” and “That I have been the part of my husbands redemptive process”
    Anything that will help me get there is HUGE!
    My email is Kristacaines@yahoo.com
    Please feel free to email me

  2. i’ll never cease to be amazed at how craig handled all this.

    and hearing again about chris’ heart and his continued openness and brokenness about all this astounds me. you are so so so blessed.

    and so is he.

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