Marriage

It Takes Two…

I moderate every comment before each is posted. I do this because I want to read them all and not miss any of your words. Last week, my inbox was inundated with notifications that there were comments “awaiting moderation”. Tears poured down my face as I read through the comments you posted. Comments of encouragement overwhelmed me. Joy flooded my soul. True joy. The kind that wells up inside you and you realize that it really is all about Him. Thank you for that. If you took any time to read the comments, in addition to the encouraging comments, you would have also read that there are people who are truly hurting and don’t have the faintest idea what the next step is in their marriages. Should they stay? Should they leave? My philosophy is that it takes two. In order for any marriage to even be successful, it takes two committed individuals. If your marriage was or is currently in shambles like mine was, it takes two people who are willing to do whatever it takes in order to salvage the marriage relationship. Nothing less. If only one party wants is willing and desires to see it restored, the likelihood that the marriage will survive is slim. Hard to hear but from what I’ve seen in the other hurting marriages that are around me, it’s true. I have many friends who have walked the road Chris and I have. Some of their spouses were willing to lay down their lives and work hard to resuscitate the marriage. Some were not. While God is amazing at restoration, He is also very brilliant with new beginnings.

9 thoughts on “It Takes Two…”

  1. I agree Cindy. Reading your story was such an encouragement after the last few years of watching several of our friends walk away from their marriages. One would want to work it out…the other wouldn’t. God can do ANYTHING if we are just willing. I am so happy you and Chris were both willing…now look what He is doing!!!!!

  2. Cindy, you could not have said it better. Both parties have to be willing and ten years ago my husband and I were both willing.
    It’s funny that I even came across your blog because just recently I have been taking with the good Lord about making some changes not only outside but the inside especially.
    Your blog inspires me to get out there and do it!

  3. “it takes two people who are willing to do whatever it takes”.Other than what God spoke to you through your Seth Joseph, this is the most dangerous statement in this story. IMHO, as always.

  4. Cindy,
    Thanks!
    You were able to say “it takes two” in a true way. So often there is shame or such a sense of failure when a marriage fails but simply…it takes two. It takes two to mess it up and it takes two to allow God to restore it. The good news is that we can only do our part. So, “it takes two” applies to us individually also. It takes me and God to do everything. I could never ask for a better partner (God) and to think that He teams up with a spouse is the best news ever. God has done a beautiful restoration in your life as well as Chris and that together makes for a harmonious marriage. The good news is that God didn’t just restore each of you but you and your kiddos and then it keeps going from there. His grace and love is so much more far reaching that we can imagine.
    Thank you for sharing a glimpse of God’s mighty love for His kids.
    Merry Christmas! and it is, isn’t it?

  5. Cindy,
    thank you for sharing your story. i appreciate your honesty, you have encouraged me greatly. i pray the LORD will bless your family and continue to guide you as you help others.

  6. I appreciate that you wrote about you and Chris’ stuff. It’s big time to have it out there like this. We are so praying for you guys and loving you guys from way over here.

    I have something to ask you.

    First an explanation: We’ve seen marriages end because of porn. Porn is a lie. I am not saying it’s not. What I am saying is that it’s a symptom.

    My belief is that it’s a symptom of a man not being satisfied at home.

    In the same way that if a man does not get something as simple as a “Wow, you are so strong” from his wife at home, if a secretary at work admires his cannons, the man will look for admiration in his coworker, where he should be getting it from his wife.

    I don’t want this to be accusatory. I want it to be something we all think about. It’s so easy to “forget” to love on your spouse. That “love tank” needs to be filled…it will be filled, in fact, by something…I as a husband need for my wife’s tank to be filled with love from me. Does that make sense?

    So, I realize that this blog is not the place to go into these kind of details, and I’m assuming that you two and your pastors and ministers have gone into this subject, it’s just that nothing was said about this aspect in your posts about the events. Maybe it wasn’t something.

    We’ve just seen it too many times to not think it’s real.

    So, the question: Was this the case with you guys?

    I realize that the more you consume porn, the deeper and raunchier it gets, and so do the requests from your mate. Which could end up in uncomfortable or nonexisting intimacy. And I realize that boys and girls have different needs…if not expectations…and porn doesn’t help.

    I know you are moderating this, so I understand if you don’t approve it. This is all a touchy subject, and I am very glad you are talking about it, and I understand it’s not the place for some things.

    Maybe you go more into detail in your book. I’m looking forward to reading that. Is it available now?

    Thanks for your transparency.

    Chris should guest blog.

    Love you.

    Oh, take a look at this:
    http://www.xxxchurch.com

    This is a christian ministry. They have software, sermons, podcasts, etc. It’s good stuff for men with porn problems and men with friends with porn problems.

    jorge

  7. Cindy THANK YOU for sharing your story. It is sad that so many do walk this road. Some work it out, some dont.. As you know I was on the other end.. It didnt but still believing GOD HAS A PLAN… Is what gets you through. I remember thinking I will never be married again, no one will love me in that way.. All lies that Satan wants us to believe. In the end though, God is still working to make something beautiful out of something so horrible.. All that to say, God placed an amazing man in my life almost 2 years ago. I cant imagine what life would be like without him. Well… We are engaged. He asked me on Christmas day. I continue to watch God’s story unfold for my life and it is way better than I would have ever thought it would be. Thank you JESUS!

  8. Today was the perfect day to read your posts. I have struggled this past week from sadness becuase my marriage did not survive…my husband was addicted to porn and alcohol, and (although he didn’t have a sexual affair in the same way that Bill Clinton “didn’t have sex”) he was having an emotional affair with a friend of mine. After 16 years, it became dangerous for me and my son, so we left. Initially, your posts made me cry thinking “wow, if she could restore, why couldn’t/can’t I?” But then I got to the post “It Takes Two.” My ex-husband wants to be a father to his son (although from the half-way house he is living in now, this is very difficult), but he doesn’t want to be a husband to me. He refused help from everyone who offerred and his commitment (even to his alcohol recovery) is to himself. He still blames me for his addictions – I am a “trigger” is his exact wording. But I recognize that I am not responsible. It takes two…without both parties committing to God, to each other, and to those who hold them accountable, without both seek counseling, healing and restoration, then the chances of relationship survival are slim to none. Don’t get me wrong – I am not (stress NOT) saying that divorce is the answer to relationship woes, and marriages aren’t disposable – my story is much longer than I write in this post.

    All to say – Thank you for reminding me that it takes two…I am a much stronger person in Christ today, because without my relationship with the living Savior, then I would never know what true commitment can be. God gives me peace and release, but there will always be times that I mourn, and then He leads me to people like you who remind me It Takes Two. Maybe someday I’ll find a true Number Two (no, I’m not looking)…but in the meantime, I’m content and joy-filled serving my Number One!

  9. I have enjoyed reading your posts and I am very happy that God saved your marriage. I respect your opinion; but I want to express one point with which I differ. NOTHING is impossible with God — and so this means, that IF IT IS GOD’S WILL for a marriage to be saved from whatever caused it to be broken in the 1st place — it WILL be saved no matter what. This includes, even marriages in which one spouse —at first (whether first month or first years is irrelevant), does not want to work at saving it. It does take two — one spouse and God. There are many testimonies of saved marriages in which one spouse continued to believe God to work a miracle in the other spouse; and in HIS timing — he did. So please do not discourage persos who are standing for their marriages single-handedly..or seemingly single-handedly. God can turn a heart of stone into a heart of flesh. For those who will say God does give us a free will —– did Jonah get his way despite his free will? Did everyone God used wanted to be used at first? If that is what we use to justify lack of faith –then why pray for ana ddicted relative who doesn’y want to be helped? Why pray for a rebellious teenager who insists on having his/her own way? Wouldn’t God just ignore our prayers since the WILL of these persons are against what we pray for? For those of you standing for a healed marriage without the support of your spouse — continue to do what God is speaking to YOU

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