Marriage

Is The Grass Greener?

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I’ve rented two movies over the last week or so. We were fairly disappointed because both of them included infidelity. And it’s not just because we hate infidelity (which we do) and hate how it hurts the heart of God (which it does) and hate how it ruins marriages (which it has). We hate how it is glamorized by film makers. Very sad. I’ve always been disturbed when I hear someone say about his/her spouse, “I’m just not in love anymore.” Since when is marriage always a feel good thing? Ask anyone who has been married if they live in a fairy tale world where they always feel in love. Feelings are so incredibly misleading. You know what I think? (This is where you say, “yes”.) I think that we are in love with what we pour into and what we concentrate on and what we create. If you start to pay attention to the next looker who walks by, you’ll be doing that for the rest of your life. Hear me...There will always be good lookin’ people around you. Period. Get used to it and walk away. If you wanna be in love with your spouse, pour into him, concentrate on her and create new memories and habits that will bring joy for years to come. Moral of the story? If you find yourself thinking the grass is greener on the other side, don’t move. Just water your own yard. I’m just sayin’.

23 thoughts on “Is The Grass Greener?”

  1. absolutely.
    it’s sad to me that the number of divorced couples are the same and even a bit higher among “christian” couples than among non “christian” couples.

  2. “water our own yard”…do we get that? Rarely would we be able to maintain two yards at once so probably not in a relationship either. And if that is true then, whose yard do we chose? And then, doesn’t that choice then become our “yard”. And if we go around choosing new yards, when will we ever get good at “yard work”? And a yard takes “work” to maintain it.

    I lived thru my spouse choosing a different yard. It is painful but God has grown my heart in that time and I look forward to doing “yard work” with my new husband. I understand there will be work, but isn’t that what makes it so satisfying?

  3. The grass often “looks” greener on the other side, but it still has to be mowed. I think “in” love is a terrible expression. Love isn’t something you get fall in and out of. It’s a choice that you make and stick with it – even when the drought seems to be turning the grass a little brown. Even brown grass still has a chance to heal.

  4. When my husband and I went to marriage counseling…I learned a GREAT deal! One of the coolest things that I learned is that when you fist meet someone and have that “LOVE FEELING”…that feeling is actually caused by an opiate hormone in the brain and it does diminish over time in everyone! This is the reason why people can be addicted in general to the beginning “feeling” of a relationship! I used to say to my husband…where did THAT beginning “feeling” go in both of us? Well now I know.

    Love is SOOO much more than the temporary euphoric high of hormones! Love is not about Fleeting Feelings…It is about everything else… Cindy you are so right!

  5. Spousal love is not involuntary, it is easy to love someone else when we are “feeling” loved, appreciated, pursued. We don’t “fall” into love. We choose to love. We choose to love before we know all their faults, all their past and current sins (and the ones we’ll find out in the future), before we know they shut down when they are stressed, that they like to fart at the dinner table, and most of the time before we know if they’ll love us back. So when all the things we didn’t know about them come to light, we choose to love them because they make us laugh, because they love our kids, because they know when we are upset or hurt, because they let us fart at the dinner table :), because they are gifted by God, because we stood in front of our family and friends and made a covenant with them and with God to choose to love despite the circumstances. We aren’t perfect either, why would we hold them to that standard? Love them. Make the choice.

  6. I whole heartedly agree. One of the problems in the world today is that everything is disposable. And people are being brought up to think that marriage is disposable as well. People need to take their vows seriously and not rush into things. You don’t bail out when things get a little tough either. You are a shining example of that.

  7. This is all great stuff! Its always easier to look at someone else and see the “good things”. But, if we change our thinking to looking at our spouses “good things”, we will appreciate them all the more.
    We choose to love our spouse for who and what they are. I know that I love my husband more when I love him for what he is, not what he isn’t.
    Thanks for your words, you are once again awesome.

  8. you’re speaking my language, Cynthia 🙂

    one of my friends was scared of marriage…scared of exactly what you’re talking about….not “feeling in love”…..and he said, he finally realized if, in the most important relationship in his life with Jesus, he still has ups and downs and times when the “feelings just aren’t there,” then why would he expect to feel in love 100% of the time with a human being who actually has faults and isn’t the Savior of the world. Love is a choice, and amazingly God chose us first.

    i love ya.

  9. thanks for ‘just sayin’ . . . because that’s some good stuff.

    As for the green grass (the literal green grass . . . not the figurative) . . . that is some VERY green grass. Is that your yard?! That’s amazing that you got your yard that green in Oklahoma during the winter!!! You must fertilize.

  10. All of you are so awesome. And Ryan, I cannot tell a lie. While we do fertilize and water our yard like there’s no tomorrow, that is not my grass. However, my hubby can keep a mean lawn.

  11. Dude! I love that quote at the end of the post….”water your own yard!” I love it. The grass will always look greener if we stop cultivating our own yard and focus on other’s yards.

    Scott- you can always overseed your own yard and sow into it lusher grass! I have fescue…if I don’t overseed it each year with better fescue it will get spotty…so, who cares what kind of grass they have! Still confused by your comment though

  12. Nice new layout! The grass will never be greener on the other side. In fact, I am willing to bet that it might be dry and yellow:( It takes time to keep a fruitful lawn, but the rewards are worth it!Great post!

  13. Great, awesome insight…and I am riding on your same wavelength! Hollywood never shows the pain and the heartache affairs and things of the like bring… it amazes me that we keep watching. It’s all about holiness, girl.
    Gotta crave it.

    Thanks for speaking truth!
    Lisa 🙂

  14. GREAT POST. I haven’t been married very long (19 months) and I have to pray this prayer sometimes: God, please soften my heart towards my husband!

  15. Great quote my wife once told me, and I am sure i’m a paraphrasing. We can get 80% of what we need from a marriage from our spouse, and instead of looking within for the remaining 20%, we actually leave the 80% to find someone else to give us the 20%.

  16. If we spent our lives on loving and serving our spouses as if we were serving Christ Himself we would be satisfied. We buy into so many lies.

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