I’m Not Pregnant But I Do Have A Front Butt

Lemme splain somethin’ to all y’all. DO NOT under ANY CIRCUMSTANCES ever, EVER ask a woman if she is pregnant. Or expecting. EVER. I DO NOT care if she is in the middle of contractions or if she asks you what you think of the name Isabella or even if her belly button is popping out and she looks like an olive on a toothpick. If she does not say, “I am pregnant” or “I am expecting”, then


Just a couple of weeks ago, a gal I met years ago placed her hand on my stomach and asked me if I was expecting. The girl felt awful after I told her that I was indeed NOT pregnant. Honestly, I can’t blame her for asking. After all…


As you can tell by all of the CAPITAL letters, I am still affected by this. But I’m NOT BITTER. However, I will not be eating food. EVER AGAIN. Have a good day. Note: When I get excited I start talkin’ Texan and all manner of appropriate grammar is tossed out the proverbial window. I’m just sayin’.

34 thoughts on “I’m Not Pregnant But I Do Have A Front Butt”

  1. Oh! Girl I can RELATE! In Toon Town a Young one keeps putting his hand on my bellyand says “Miss Jenn” When are you going to have your baby?” DANG! SNAP! OUCH! Out of the mouth of BABES! Back to the gym to do 300 more crunches……

  2. Remember, fitted shirt, long enough to stack over that “front butt”. Covers all 7 of my front butts!! Keep eatin’ those cookies with your hubby—you look GREAT to me!!

  3. Cindy..I am always glad to read your blog first…you always make me laugh.
    FRONT BUTT! lol…you crack me up.
    Um..I worked with a girl who was pregnant. We had two girls walk into the lab and one was having some testing done. The other girl was not but looked pregnant apparently to BL. So she dared asked “when is your baby due?” ….sadly she was not and what made it worse she asked her that in front of her boyfriend who was laughing histerically. Yup…isn’t that awful…I never ask that question unless I have facts um..like baby shower invite.

  4. Food is really over rated anyway.

    Except at breakfast, lunch and dinner.

    Then you have to eat a little something. Or a lot of something. Or maybe just dessert.

  5. OH MY GOODNESS! I’m sorry for your experience, but your description is the funniest thing I’ve read in a long time.

  6. I feel your pain. Just LAST week as I was picking up my kids from pre-school, another mom doesn’t ASK me if I’m pregnant. Instead, she says, “Dusty, I didn’t realize you were pregnant!” “I’m not.” Nor am I EVER wearing that shirt again. Where has sisterhood gone?

  7. I’m so sorry that happened to you. How very embarrassing for all involved.

    Additionally, I have never understood the ‘freedom’ people feel they have to touch a woman’s stomach without an invite. I mean, what is it about pregnancy that makes people forget the concept of personal space?! Paws off, bub. GEEZ!

  8. I understand how you feel! I have always been blessed with a little extra in the front even when I have been “in shape” at my “correct weight” and had regularly done tons of sit ups for years. When I was 19, I worked at Christian summer camp. One of the last weeks of the summer, we had a large group of inner city kids come in to experience the wilderness. While checking the kids into the cabins and getting them settled in the wide open spaces, one of the young girls asked me if I was pregnant. How embarrassing!!! 🙂

  9. You’re B-E-A-U-T-FUL!!! It’s shorter, more concise…good write. Love you and hope I’m as beautiful and wonderful as you when I’m a mama…LOVE YOU and your front butt, Mama Cindy!

  10. as soon as i announced to my friends that i was pregnant, they immediately began to touch my stomach. i immediately reminded them “girls – i’m only 7 weeks … and that’s not baby, it’s fat.”

    i’m definitely feeling you on this one! 🙂

  11. After I had my second son I had a reagular customer of mine keep asking me when I was due I would say he’s 4mo. now …he’s 6mo. now. My goodness woman pay attention. Why do people ask right after you have your baby? common sense people!

  12. Baby,
    If it is really true that my opinion is the only one you care about then rest in the comfort that i think you are freakin HOT! I’m just sayin.

  13. Lovin’ that….I also love being this far away and can hear your TEXAS slang all the way over here. Also….whatever! People are just dumb! Love you friend!! Keep up the laughs, Please!

  14. OH MY GOSH! This made me laugh out loud. I had to mute the television and explain to my family why I was laughing like a nutcase.

  15. Unless you want to experience the wrath of a fire dragon, do NOT comment on women’s weight. Period.

    This, I know.

  16. You are so crazy. Seriously, front butt? So sorry.

    I totally agree with you.

    One more thing to add…when a woman IS in fact pregnant and it is common knowledge, NEVER comment on how big she is getting. She knows just how HUGE she is, she looks at her giant belly every day in the mirror and her giant pregnant butt too.

    My last pregnancy I knew I was huge, but one woman at my church made a comment EVERY Sunday, seriously, every week. I didn’t go to church for the last FOUR weeks of my pregnancy for that reason ALONE.

  17. Been there! This post made me laught out loud. I love LOVE LOVE when you talk about your front butt! I guess it makes me feel at home.

  18. Guys have it easy. We can have the spare tire to fit on a monster truck goin on and get away with wearing a t-shirt untucked and nobody says anything.
    Thanks, but I’ll just keep asking my wife “you finished with that?” (grin)

  19. OY! I was 5 months pregnant and had gained 50 lbs. Picture it, I’m only 5’2″. Some guys sees me pulling my chubby body up a stair well with the help of the bannister. He asks, “Are you pregnant?” “NO! I’m just fat!” Geez. Yeah, good point – don’t EVER ask a woman if she’s pregnant.

  20. After two babies my tummy is just so LOOSE. I can identify any food I eat post meal because it pokes right out instead of staying tucked inside like it used to. Yup, there’s the big mac I ate for lunch lopping over my uber uncool mom jeans…

  21. Hey! That hurts! Personally, I’d like to stick some of mine on my behind. I keep trying to blame it on my five kids, but I think the 1/2 and 1/2 in my coffee is screaming at me. Best find of the year–SPANX tank top (at least it doesn’t jiggle as much!!)
    Seriously, how do you still like wearing sexy stuff for your husband when your stomach is getting bigger than your boobs? Okay–too much info….

  22. I used to have these cute olive green corduroy overalls (back in the day that overalls were popular). My friend came up, touched my stomach, and asked when the baby was due.

    I said “in 6 years”…


  23. Never fear I have a better one…years ago I was on fertility medicine (my excuse for gaining so much weight…no sure what my excuse is now…lol..) anyway, we saw a man at the rodeo that was a neighbor but had moved away. He asked when I was due and when I told him I wasn’t he laughed as if I was joking and said, “no really when are you due…” Dumb guy didn’t know when to shut up. He finally understood that i was just fat and we went back to our perspective seats. The difference between our seats were that mine was full of tears when I left!

  24. I read an email forward the other day that said, “unless you actually see a baby coming out of the woman’s body at the very second you are talking to her, then do not under any circumstances ask her if she is pregnant!” It made me laugh, mainly because I am pregnant (due in 6 weeks) and there is no mistaking it, it looks like I swallowed a watermelon, and when I was at Garden Club the other night, the lady was afraid to ask me if I was pregnant. I completely agree with the not asking a woman if you are not sure, but with someone like me, there is absolutely no mistaking it! That being said, we had a temp doing our reception work and I was still thin at the time, but the shirts that are in “style” look similar to maternity shirts and she asked me if I was pregnant, but she also thought my boss was my husband (we have the same last name) so she was confused all together!

  25. you made me LAUGH SO HARD on this one. i’ve never heard of the “front butt”, but i gots me one, too! so funny you are! (you agreed with my AI comments today on the TCM blog…so i had to see what you were all about.) i’m a fellow texan, though a huge aggie fan. hmmm.

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