I Wish I Could Say I’m Fixed

But I’m not. I did some video blogs about a year ago in regards to my overeating issues.  I shared the enlightenment I received, how I lost weight and what I do maintain overeating sobriety.  I did all of this after the hard stuff.  After all of the humiliating and embarrassing realizations that God showed me and that I shared with those closest to me. Cuz y’all, it’s so much easier to talk about the stuff you struggle with when it doesn’t have you by the neck. Unfortunately, it has me by the neck again.  Not everyday, but more days than I wish it did.  There are days when I literally have no power over my flesh and I stop by the cookie place when I haven’t planned it into my eating plan.  There are days when I put larger portions on my plate than my body really needs.  There are days when I justify that I deserve something, which is what got me into this overeating mess in the first place. I’ve fluctuated in my weight by 6-8 pounds over the last six months.  That may not be a big deal to many and quite frankly, it’s not a deal breaker for me either.  But, I know what it means.  It means that I’ve slacked off.  If I were an alcohol addict, it would mean that I have taken a few drinks here and there.  If I were a drug addict, it would mean that I shot up every so often. The good news for me is that food is my drug and not alcohol or meth or heroin or tobacco.  The bad thing for me is that I can’t give up my drug. So this is me.  Still on the journey.  Still wishing it would all magically go away when I wake up tomorrow morning. I guess the difference this time is that I don’t throw in the towel and go back to my old ways completely. Baby steps, right?

17 thoughts on “I Wish I Could Say I’m Fixed”

  1. I appreciate the honesty in your blog this a.m. I would “love” to hear that you are done. finished. it is over. But only because that is how I want my own struggles to be…so instead I relate. I understand and know that God is still working stuff out in us and that as much as we wish it was “gone”…we are on a journey.

    good news: we are not alone! Thanks for being honest and in that, encouraging!

  2. Just complementing, because I was in a rush two hours ago:
    Every day I wake up wishing my hunger would me magically stilled. Every day I wake up saying: “today will be different”. I gained 16 pounds in two months saying that to myself.
    I can totally relate to that feeling of “deserving” something – I do that to myself all the time. When I am “sober” I understand that this is self-sabotage. But not when I’m hungry, at 4 PM.
    Food is my “drug”, too – too bad we can’t just quit. “No more food. Done. Next item down the list.”

  3. Awesome Cindy…. Yes, baby steps with God holding you as you go along. HE is more than awesome to me. Praise HIS Holy name!

  4. I know I will never achieve perfection while on this earth, but I do desire progression. I am satisfied when God shows me that I have progressed even a little bit. You may take a few steps back sometimes, but you are not all the way back to where you started. Small steps, yes, but BIG praises that you are not what or where you used to be.

  5. Food is my comfort. I have successfully lost the weight. I have successfully put it all back on. Sucks but it is my reality.

    Praying for you to continue your baby steps.

  6. May God grant us the serenity to accept the things that we cannot change

    Courage to change the things we can

    and Wisdom to know the difference


  7. yes…i understand. been doing so good, and with all the extra exercise i’ve been able to be a bit flex. on eating…however, i’ve been in a lot of pain lately, and had to stop running/lifting weights….so i have to really focus on the eating part. NO fun. but i like what beating the flesh feels like.

    with ya,

    Marcy 🙂

  8. o girl, i want to watch all of these video blogs! i NEED to watch all of these video blogs. this has been an issue for me my whole life and has been passed down in my family! the roots are deep and well watered. i hope to find my root – that issue that is my root like you spoke of.
    as we have been working through my husband’s affair the last few months food has become a HUGE issue for me! it is my comfort. when i am down i eat foods that are horrible for me. then i feel guilty and awful about myself….it’s just been a horrible, damaging cycle. and to top it all off, my husband has lost about 30 pounds through this whole thing! so, now i weigh more than him! satan is LOVING this!!
    but seeing that i am not alone in this helps today. thank you for posting. i am going to look for your other video blogs in that series and try to let God speak to me about yet ANOTHER broken area in my life. {sigh} it will be good though….one day!

  9. I know this battle more than I wish I did. 110 lbs. lost and 4 1/2 years later, my inner thought when life gets stressful and hurts happen, is that I want to turn to every form of junk food that my mind can conceive. As my DH and I work together to win the battle over his alcoholism and my food addiction, it reminds me that my control is best placed into the hands of Him who has saved me and take it one day and a time and pray for grace and wisdom to keep resting in Him.

    You all are in my prayers regarding your private and/or public struggles!!!

  10. I think you just totally described me and how I feel about food. It has a hold on me! I have been struggling again lately really bad. Thanks so much for this post. It’s inspiring to me!!

  11. I too eat for comfort. As soon as the going gets tough, I am searching for chocolate and dreaming of ice cream!!!!! I actually had a dream last night that I bought two big tubs of Blue Bell ice cream (my favorite!!!) you can’t get it here, and I am so down some days, that I just want to dive into a whole tub of it. When our marriage started diving, I started gaining!!! It’s been a struggle, and I am feeling really guilty right now, because I ordered Dominoes twice this week at work!!! Can you tell it’s been a hard week? LOL. Thanks for your honesty Cindy!! It helps knowing I’m not the only one struggling. I say the serenity prayer a lot lately. It is sometimes the only thing that gets me through the day. Let’s pray that God gives us the strength we need to win this overeating battle once and for all!!!!!

  12. You and me both sista! Lost 20 last year… gained 8 :(… Need to crack down again… Cuz’ 20 wasn’t all I needed to lose! KWIM?

  13. Was watching Valerie B on Today some time last month. They were discussing all the other celebs that have gone before her and gained back after leaving the program. She commented that losing the weight is the easy part. Keeping it off is so much harder. No accolades or “You’re doing great!” just you and a daily decision. I’ve realized I can apply that to so much in my life.

    Regardless: I love your heart and support you 100%!

  14. I really understand this:

    I have had a food addiction for 25 yrs. I just can’t seem to control it. I love to eat and food is my comfort. I know God is still working with me as well, I give up things 1 at a time now, Like i gave up Pork all together 5 yrs ago then I gave up sodas, then I gave up half of my bread intake. lol cant give it all up just yet. I love cheetos and icecream can’t seem to give those up. I will pray for all of you and you all pray for me. No one really looks at food as an addiction but it truly is one way or another. I however do Love myself because I know God loves me right where i am and that took me awhile to. Love you all sisters in Christ Keep up the Good work.
    God bless you for your honesty. God bless you all as well.

  15. i listen to ‘weight down ministries every day. if i miss listening & applying God’s principles my hunger gets me sometime during that day. These helpful tools using God’s word are available for free plus shipping. My was only $10.00. 6 videos & 6 great tapes all God centered.

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