Thinking Out Loud

I Got To Thinkin’

It’s quiet in my house right now as I write this post. Eerily quiet. My husband is still at work and my sons are playing at the neighbor’s house.  All I can hear is the hum of the dishwasher, the click from the ceiling fan and my fingers hitting the keys on my laptop.  And if I sit real still, I can also hear my thoughts. Sometimes my thoughts scare me. I’d like to be able to reassure you that my thoughts are always godly, always pure, always right.  That I have good intentions followed by good actions.  That when I wake up each morning and hit the pillow each night, I can honestly say that I have done right by my God, my family, my country and my friends. But I’m human, right? Right. I’m definitely not proud of the thoughts that enter and are often entertained in my head some days.  I am thankful that there isn’t some camera that plays my thoughts on a big screen saying, “Cindy Beall is a farce.  Don’t listen to her.” Because although I’m sinful and often do and say things that don’t bring honor to God, I do desire it. It’s just that sometimes, I desire to gratify my flesh more.  Oh, I don’t really like to admit that but when I choose to do things that I know are bad for me there is no other way to describe it:  I am choosing the flesh. But right now, I’m just sitting here.  Putting my heart out on “paper” for you to read when this entry posts.  I know I’m not alone in this fight against my thoughts.  Which leads me to why I wrote this in the first place. You are not alone in this fight with your thoughts either.

7 thoughts on “I Got To Thinkin’”

  1. It can be very revealing…silence. Thanks for the reminder that God is constant and constantly at work in us. I’m comforted by the fact that He loves me even when I’m way less than honoring Him. That concept encourages my relationship with Him and helps me strive for purity.

  2. OH my goodness!

    Thank you for sharing.
    I have been lately troubed by the fact that I keep realizing how sinful my flesh is and it is taking form in the shape of my thoughts alot. By my outward demeanor, people would never realize some of the thoughts I am battling internally.

    I have slowly tested the waters and opened up to a close friend and not only was she NOT shocked but she totally understood from experience!

  3. Oh girl, I just had this very same exact conversation TODAY. Trying to desperately bring up what I learned in Beth Moore’s Breaking Free study where she talks about taking every thought captive….but that was like ten years ago. Glad to know I’m not the only one.

  4. thank you for this post. i NEEDED to be reminded i am not fighting the thoughts alone.
    i used to love my shower time. it was a prayer time for me at the beginning of the day. it was quiet (generally, unless my 3 year old just HAD to throw open the shower curtain and tell me something!). so it was a good place to pray.
    but these days i dread taking a shower, because it’s quiet. and i pray. and as i pray my thoughts wander. i am bombarde by thoughts, images of my husband with “the other woman”. thoughts about an uncertain future. thoughts. the only thing that helps is praying through my tears. praying for God’s “helmet of salvation” to protect my mind and give me strength to fight the thoughts.
    thank you for letting me know i’m not alone in fighting my thoughts…all kinds of thoughts, and that God is faithful.

  5. I love it! I always tell others: I am a Christian not Christ! I intend to try be like Him however. So as I continue being worked on cut me some slack.

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