Miscellaneous

How To Hide A Front Butt

billpar.jpeg

Ah, that’s right. You know what I’m talking about. You’ve seen it on men like Bill Parcells. Some call it a pooch. Or a tummy. It’s been referred to as a gassy cell. Maybe you call it bloating. Call it what you want. I call it a front butt. And I have one. Surprised? I bet. I know how to hide my front butt. Here are my tips:
  1. Never tuck in your shirt. Never. N-E-V-E-R means NEVER.
  2. Get your jeans a size bigger. If a 14 fits tight, get the 16. The 16 will cover the front butt.
  3. Stand up straight, hold your shoulders back and suck in the front butt. Walk tall, ladies. Walk tall.
  4. Throw away ALL Mom jeans. You know the kind…sits high at the waist and tapers toward the ankles. These only accentuate the front butt.
  5. Get a tummy tuck. Did I say that out loud? It is a dream of mine 🙂
  6. Do not, I repeat, do not wear fitted shirts. They will always give away the front butt.
  7. And for the love, throw away any pants with pleats. They are the enemy of the front butt.
I hope this blesses you. Amen.

37 thoughts on “How To Hide A Front Butt”

  1. So…what cut of pants do you recommend? If you have a front butt, like I do, a low rise pant just doesn’t fit right.
    BTW, I am loving the phrase “front butt”, it is the new phrase of 08 🙂

  2. Mary, I’m all about covering the front butt. There are jeans out there that are still stylish. I can’t really do the low cut either. But here’s where the joy is found: If you don’t tuck in your shirt, no one will know that the jeans aren’t low rise. I would recommend that you get some jeans that are boot cut or that at least flair towards the bottom. Can I just say I found some great jeans at JCPenney called “ANA”. They are fairly stylish because I’ve gotten some compliments from the younger ladies AND they cover the front butt 🙂

  3. No tummy tucks; simply bigger shirts and don’t tuck in your shirt unless…… drum roll……. you have on a suit. Suits or untucked button down are the best sloution for big front butts. BigIsTheNewSmall

  4. too funny! I’m all about the tummy tuck, and I want one BAD!! I’ve even experienced the consultation with the sharpie. That’s the most humiliating thing you will ever go through. It’s where the measure just how much front butt you have let you know what they are going to do to remove it. Obviously, I still haven’t gotten it done because they like to charge a lot to remove it and I’m afraid that my selfish desires will leave my children motherless. I tried to get on the KOCO extreme makeover, but I wasn’t quite ugly enough, ha!!! For now, I’ll just stick to Spankx. 🙂

  5. I don’t even know what to say that is so funny. I may change my blog to be titled, “Yeah, what Cindy said.”

    The other thing that helps this is nursing a baby…I’m thinking of nursing baby Jack until he’s 5 or 6 (right Nat?) to keep the “after baby front butt” from really getting “over frontal” (what?)

    That is a good Friday laugh.

  6. I can’t believe you said the word B**T. Can you say that on here? Overall, I agree with you…we must do all that we can to rid the world of frontbutt. I appreciate your call to action!

  7. I was about to say what Shanna said… You do a very good job of covering it up! After my c-section with Tobin I too, have a front butt. I’m working on it. A tummy tuck is in my dreams, after all the future babies are out of course. Thanks for the tips!

  8. My plan is to get that pilates tape out and start doing it… I’ve gained weight since my wedding…I don’t know why. Maybe I’ve been happy. Maybe I’ve hit that age when you gain some weight. Maybe winter just hit but I went up a size. I getting the front butt and I haven’t even had any babies yet!! I’m concerned!

  9. The best jeans hit at the belly button (they aren’t high rise but they aren’t low rise – avoid anything that says “low rise” on it…those don’t even look good on skinny girls, even if they think they do). I’ve found some great jeans at Ann Taylor, New York and Co (fairly reasonably priced too) and of all places Target (be sure you are shopping in the Misses sizes and NOT the junior sizes!! the Jr. sizes are mostly low rise).

  10. I LOVE YOU!!!!! You are hillarious! I also dream of a tummy tuck and follow your tips about the front butt. God did not give me genes that made me bounce back to my pre-children body. He gave me the genes that made me put on 40lbs since they were born. I see those women and secrectly wish I could make them eat a big chocolate cake. (To all my friends who are those women, I love you anyway!) I know that I am truly blessed to have the wonderful children that I do and if a front butt is the price that I pay for them. I will deal with it and learn to hide it.

  11. Back Fat
    Front Butt

    When I’m in shape, they disappear. When it’s winter time (don’t stare at me at church and LOOK for this, ok?) I have both.

    I find the low rise pants work, because they actually hold my front butt in.

    My husband and I refuse to ever divorce; although he’s admitted he believes a front butt on me would be biblical grounds (somewhere in the Old Testament….yeah, that’s it). I must hide it well.

    Of course, a short haircut or a perm is also biblical grounds in his mind.

  12. Yes. Yes. YES.

    No more front butts. Please.

    It is especially difficult to hide *both* the front butt and the back shelf at the SAME TIME.

    The back shelf’s (located just above the panty line and extending from one hip to the other) main purpose is to thump you in the back of the head when making an attempt to do any form of exercise.

    I love your blog 🙂

  13. oh cindy, I’m just about 30 minutes into my stalking, err, I mean, journey of cindybeall…and I don’t want to stop!
    I love your story, I love your humor, and your passion for life, love, forgiveness, mentoring, ministry and tummy tucks…well, let’s say I’m pleased and look forward to more of your thoughts here on cindybeall.com!!!!

  14. Eight babies. Nine pregnancies. Need I say more???

    Old Navy has some great higher-waisted, boot cut jeans right now. Holds the front butt in, particularly if you have that stunning combo of front butt/short waist.

  15. I have a front butt, too, but I’d really prefer not to call it such an ugly name, lol. I have low enough self esteem right now to add that to my body.
    Having c-sections totally stinks! There really isn’t much I can do, short of surgery. I can barely even work the muscles enough to suck my stomach in.
    Empire waist shirts and the right pants are essential. I NEVER tuck in my shirt!

  16. Until now, I always wondered what that was and how to handle it without lowering the self image…gasp…

    THANKS TO YOU I CAN OFFICIALLY SAY I HAVE A FRONT BUTT?! you know I was on the cover of a magazine once………

  17. Hey these are excellent praise God to this. I have a front butt too, lol thanks for sharing and confirming us, be blessed in all your endeavors

  18. To quote Psalty the Singing Songbook: “If you want to be great in God’s kingdom, learn to be a servant of all…”

    Thanks for serving mankind by posting these helpful hints! 😉

  19. Hi Cindy
    Which I got get a tummy tuck lol, I really would like a makeover, not that it would change who I am but it might make me be more confident about myself. Thanks Cindy for sharing that

  20. I found an awsome company that makes control undergarments. I use the corsette and I love it. They make all styles. The name of the company is Hour Glass Angel. You can find them on hourglassangel.com.

    Hope this helps.

  21. Hello:

    Thank you for sharing this. I have been married for 8 years now, to a non-practicing believer, who has been abusive and has cheated on me. I struggle with having to be the Spitirual Head in my home, because he refuses to leave. I am praying that God will save him, deliver him, while at the same time, I know that I do not have any intimate feelings for him. generationally, he comes from a family of adulturers, and spouse abusers, and alcoholism to the tenth degree. I am very much aware of generational curses, and i don’t want our three children to experince that, so I stay in Spiritual warfare all of the time.
    Thanks again.

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