How To Fight Well – Part 3

Let me first say that my husband, Chris, exhibits wonderful self-control and grace in our marriage now when we have disagreements. But in the early, more tumultuous years of our marriage, Chris and I fought. We didn’t fight all the time, but we had our share of bouts. We often found ourselves in a conflict that went from the issue to a personal level. And it wouldn’t take long before it was spiraling out of control. Some of you may relate. One of things that Chris would do relatively often when it got to that point was throw up his hands, pick up his keys and leave. He fully realized that this was a method of both escaping the circumstance and exercising a power play over me every time. What he didn’t realize is that each time he did that, the Enemy exploited my greatest fear as a woman. My security. The helplessness I felt was beyond description. I had no idea if he was ever coming back. And this intensified when our first child was in the scenario. We get frustrated. It’s natural. It’s expected. A man and a woman living together in the same house for years? Don’t kid yourself and think that there won’t be disagreements from time to time. However, how we handle our frustration is up to us. After several years and numerous buckets of tears, Chris finally realized the impact his leaving had on my already frail, insecure heart. The following rule of engagement for the Bealls emerged: If you need to take a break, don’t take the keys. If you need to step away from a situation, fine. Go to another room or outside in the yard. But, for the heart that is beating inside your spouse’s chest, please do not drive off. It takes a long time to repair that rip.

17 thoughts on “How To Fight Well – Part 3”

  1. If Greg ever leaves during a fight I always worry he will have wreck or something and that will be the last time we saw each other… angry. Good advice. I don’t want any regrets.

  2. Wow, Cindy! We just celebrated our 44th anniversary and don’t always have the maturity in our relationship that you all do. Your frail insecure heart…you totally nailed so many problems with those words. God bless.

  3. Shelly likes to have time to think and resolve a dispute before we talk about it. I on the other hand can’t stand waiting and want it resolved as quickly as possible. That is probably or biggest problem in any disagreement. I am working on trying to give her time

  4. I’ve so done that… just not with the car. I go for a long, long walk.

    But I know I shouldn’t, and haven’t for a while. Thanks for the encouragement to stay at home.


  5. I can so relate to the not leaving with the keys it hits deep to the core of what we need as women (and I suppose men too to a degree), but I would add this: don’t give the “silent treatment”. I was on the receiving end of a silent treatment that lasted 12 LONG days. The following year, the marriage broke up.

  6. Hey girl!
    Love that you’re sharing these insights, Cindy. Love that you are passionate to talk about marriage and share your experiences. You bless me.

    Lisa 🙂

  7. I am enjoying this little blog series. Alot of great tips and wisdom in your words.

    I am going to really try and take some of it to heart and work on my behaviour when we disagree. I tend to be the one to fight the most unfair I believe.

  8. I will admit it…I am the one who will pick up the keys and leave during a fight in my marriage. He is much more tolerant and patient than I am. I needed to read this because it gave me insight to how he must feel when I do this, and I never want to make him feel that way…never. You always write just what I need to hear!

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