How To Choose A Mentor

My blog friends Hope, Jessica and Mandy asked me about mentors several weeks back. I did a series of posts back in March about mentoring that might prove useful to those of you who find yourselves frothing at the mouth when this topic arises. First of all, I believe that women should mentor women and men should mentor men. Now, this isn’t the case with parents and children because I am clearly mentoring my sons as their mother and primary caregiver. Clear as mud? Very good. So… How do you choose? Well, you watch. Look for people who ooze wisdom. Pay attention to the those around you and how they respond to difficulties in their lives. Find someone who you know will focus on you when you’ve asked for their thoughts on a topic vs. turning the conversation back to themselves. Seek those who have a passion for pouring into others. Spend time with their family as a whole to see how they interact with each other. As you are watching and noticing the people around you, pray for guidance. And when you think you’ve prayed enough, pray some more. I do hope that helps, my ladies.

17 thoughts on “How To Choose A Mentor”

  1. Awesome advice. I like that it isn’t just looking for a woman you like…but looking for a woman that “who have a passion for pouring into others”.

    BTW…You Pour nicely. 😉

  2. Something I have learned is there is ALWAYS someone younger and older then we are. So we can ALWAYS be learning and teaching!

    Thanks Cindy for being one of my mentors over the past 4 years (even though we have never talked about you doing it) You are always teaching me!!!

  3. great advice. ohhh, i need a mentor. unfortuately, for many reasons, there just doesnt’ seem to be one here for me (that isnt’ related to me). we’ll keep praying…

  4. dang i need one too!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    i’ve got one pegged. our dean of students. just found out that she mentors a few seminary wives each year – so i’m gonna ask to go on her list.

    i’ve gone through mentors since highschool, but i haven’t had one for two years. and i feel like i’m stuck in the rain without an umbrella.

    i need an umbrella. i mean, mentor.

  5. This is good.
    I always think of mentors as being older than me. What are your thoughts on age differences? Is that necessary? I think it might be just because of life experiences you get with an increased number of birthdays!…

  6. Kim,

    I think that while mentors are typically older just due to life experiences, they don’t have to be. There are some people who’ve gone through more in their short amount of years than someone else who is older.

    I wouldn’t limit yourself to the age barrier. You very well may find someone who mentors you who is the same age but who has been through more in their years or has handled their years more wisely. OR, if you’ve been through more, you may pour into someone who is a bit older than you. I’ve done that before, too.

    Does that make sense?

  7. I’ve struggled to find a good mentor relationship for myself, however, I have been a mentor to several younger gals, all 5-12 years younger than me, that I used to have in youth when I was a youth director. Even though its been almost five years since I moved away to go back to school, we still maintain contact throughout the year. It’s amazing that they want to know what I think about marriage and sex, etc. I feel honored that they come to me, still, for advice. I hope my conversations with them will help when it comes to talking to my daughter one day about these very issues. 🙂

  8. Do they have to share the same room with ya? or state?

    I have great women in my life here in Cali. But they are always looking to me for the mentoring.

    Not allowing me look at them to mentor me… Does that make sense?

    Do you think everyone should have one??

    I’m so glad you cleared up the age one!!!!

    Thanks!! 🙂

  9. I am proud to say my dad is my mentor. Learn tons of stuff from him. He shares his wisdom with gentleness and without being condescending. I owe lots to my dad.

    I personally would like a more ‘equal’ partnership..maybe more like an accountability partner…than a mentor.

  10. I know this isn’t on the topic of mentoring, well I guess it could be? could you suggest some Bible Studies. When I go to Mardels I feel overwhelmed there are so many to choose from it seems every topic could help. Any suggestions on just getting started? (if it helps to know on a personal level just email me and I can give you some background on what I have been struggling with. ) thanks

  11. very clear! it took me years to find women that i felt ‘safe’ with. and it wasnt that they were not wise – i was just guarded. when my guard came down – i saw there were a select few whom i could glean much wisdom from. some are real life physical friends – some are women ive never even met. i feel completely full to the brim with solid women in my life. i love it!

  12. From the male side of things . . .

    I’ve found that the best mentors have been the guys that live for Jesus and that are in a place where I see myself heading.

    For example, I don’t foresee being mentored by a older single guy, because I’m not single.

    Also, I don’t see myself being mentored by a pastor of a church, because that’s not what I feel Jesus is leading me to do.

    That’s just a trend I’ve seen in my life. Usually, it just boils down to me meeting someone and thinking “Wow. I really want to be like this guy.” “This guy really challenges me to live for Jesus in a way that I never have before.” and it goes from there . . .

  13. Do you think you can just look at someone as a mentor or should you verbally ask someone to be your mentor? I “look up” to several woman, but I would love to have more of an open? mentorship with someone. Does this make sense? It would be hard for me to just ask someone ~ I guess this is why you pray about this.

  14. I have a mentor (have/had/ sort of). She moved. We don’t get to spend much time together. When we do, it’s wonderful. Her teachings and examples will always be with me but I sometimes think, I should have someone that I can hold myself accountable to – someone more readily available. I realized however, because so many possible mentors have their “dance cards” full that I would just be one to someone else and wait for God to send one for me. I have to say though, from a distance, you fill the spot in quite well. God bless you, Mrs. Beall. 🙂

  15. Why look at you Mama Cindy!
    Ask and you shall recieve, right…look at you mentoring and pouring into women by the dozens!
    What a blessing you are to so many!
    I’m so proud of you!!!

  16. what do you when every, single mentor you have or try to have leaves? honestly… this whole trusting someone to guide me through life’s experiences gets pretty darn old when they leave/move, or just totally bail. i need a mentor to guide me through how to gracefully lose one.

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