His Love For Me I Never Doubted

On that devastating, February morning many years ago, a slew of things went through my mind.  Questioning Chris’ love for me did not. I still find that odd even writing that today.  Maybe it is because I’m walking through my own addiction issues and can better understand his pornography addiction today.  I know now that he did love me, still loves me, will always love me.  But for a season in his life, He loved himself more. One thing that I have come to believe about most people is that no matter what terrible things they do in their lives, no matter how many hearts they break along the way, they actually still love the people closest to them.  They just love themselves more. The man who abandons his wife for another woman but tells his kids he still loves them…I think he does to a certain extent.  I just think he loves himself more.  The woman who continues to succumb to her demons with alcohol while she is the caregiver for her children probably does genuinely care for them.  I just think she loves herself more.  I don’t know if this is the case for everyone, but I have found it to be true many times.  Even in my own life. For me, not being completely forthcoming about my food addiction and subsequent dishonesty to my husband didn’t negate my love for him.  It just intensified my love for myself.  I loved him, my sons, my family…I just loved me more. On the heels of a week-long confession, I’m learning to love myself less and those around me more.  I imagine I’ll battle my whole life this desire to place myself, my flesh above others, but I will keep fighting it.  But instead of focusing on the bad, the fleshly acts, I will focus on feeding my spirit. Because when we feed the spirit, the flesh will starve.

14 thoughts on “His Love For Me I Never Doubted”

  1. that’s it, Cindy! I wholeheartedly agree…I believe that we are faced with lots of opportunities to love others or our selves throughout our lifetime. When we choose our selves in a way that damages others it isn’t because we don’t care…we are just serving self most!
    There is a beautiful balance while depending on Christ that we can care well for our self and love others well too! Our pendulum can swing too far either way and we tend to do damage when it does but as it balances by swaying gently in the middle…I think we find all our relationships benefit including the one with our self…because of Christ.

    Thanks for the post…my coffee always tastes better with a dose of Cindy Beall…”you are like my favorite creamer”!!!

  2. Wow! You hit the nail on the head. That is soooo true…for all of us! Sometimes I think that the whole “Love is not self-seeking” is, perhaps, the biggest part of love that we humans have a hard time comprehending. Or rather…we think we’ve got it because we put others first in this way or that way…and we have no idea how many other ways we compulsively put ourselves ahead of everyone else.

  3. Oh wow, you’ve really been stepping on my toes with the food addiction. I am so quick to point out areas where my husband isn’t putting me first, but I have not gotten to the point where I’m really ready to face the fact that my eating habits and exercise issues is getting in the way of my putting my husband first. Pray for me to really get to that place soon.

  4. Words will never be able to be expressed as to how much I needed this today. Through my husband’s addictions I have never doubted his love for me and his desire to want his lift to be different. I have sometimes felt naive – but I do believe he loves me. I believe he WANTS his lift to be different and I continue to pray that God will do what it takes to get his attention…no matter what…

  5. [nods]

    Yep. That’s it.

    And that is why I think the focus needs to be on getting ourselves to focus on loving others. We must focus on doing good, not avoiding evil.

    May God’s goodness and love to me continue to push me to love others more than myself.


  6. “We love ourselves more.”

    Ding ding! Now if that doesn’t just say it all. I’m putting that in my journal to remember.

  7. As we Southerners say, you hit the nail on the head!!! I know that I’ve caught myself Loving myself more than others. It’s very important to remember that we are to live as Christ. He was so into loving others. Continue to let God use you,CindyB. You’re such a help to us.

  8. This is REALLY GOOD Mama Cindy!
    VERY challenging thoughts…I like to think I put others, especially Christ, above myself…yet if I’m honest…I probably rank #1 on my priority list most of the time. My thoughts & heart may be to glorify my creator, yet He becomes just that…”MY creator”
    Thanks for the eye opener…time to ponder!

  9. I have been thinking about this post since I read it Monday, and I just wanted to tell you that God used you in my life this week. Thank you.

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