Dissonant Heart

Music has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. Piano lessons, singing in choirs, taking voice lessons, leading worship with my husband…these were activities that I participated in regularly. I mostly sang alto when I was in the choir. I loved that part because it supported the lead by adding some sweet and savory harmonies. Still love it. But from time to time, the notes I would sing would be a little off from what you’d expect. I wasn’t reading the music incorrectly. It was written to be dissonant, which means harmonically unresolved. When this would happen, I held that note and waited anxiously for the resolution that I would soon provide. And when the resolution occurred, all was well in my little musical heart. Not to mention the smile that crossed my choral director’s face. Tonight, there is dissonance in my heart but it has nothing to do with quarter notes or melodies. Actually, I can’t quite put my finger on it. It could be that I’m feeling a surge of guilt over my comfortable home while my brother is serving our country in Afghanistan. Maybe it’s because I have a dream that I want fulfilled so desperately and I’m longing to find out if the answer I desire is going to be delivered to me in a few weeks. Or quite possibly, it’s that I’m still, after 29 years of knowing and loving Jesus, trying to figure out how to have an intimate and growing fellowship with my Savior. Not sure what it is but it’s something. It could be all of them. Just don’t know. What I do know about dissonance is that although it’s a tad bit uncomfortable during the moment, the future resolution is worth the wait. Pray for me, will you?

4 thoughts on “Dissonant Heart”

  1. Wow, Cindy. This is great! I really identify with what you are saying. I just don’t sleep anymore….there is so much going on in my heart and mind I’m good to get a rough 4 hours at night. When I awaken, I’m already praying,like I was praying in my sleep—there are so many people and situations on my heart. (Heck, I have so many kids that’s a lot of it! 😉 But, I know God is stirring things up. I just feel it in my spirit. It’s like a storm is coming—something scary but awesome at the same time.

  2. Thanks, Robin. I appreciate your wisdom and the insight you bring. You’ve raised some awfully amazing kiddos…I could stand to learn a lesson or twenty from you.

  3. Mama Cindy… I just love you to pieces! your heart… your authenticity… your vulnerability… I’m learning and so grateful I get to learn from someone so, well…like you.
    and please know that I pray for you whenever think about you, which, as of late, has been alot.
    Love you and thank you for your thoughts.

    a little thought on the matter myself. That Block Party micro mission.. rocked my harmonious little world…like WoW!!!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.