Church. What Is Yo Problem?

My husband, Chris, was recently contacted by a man from another state who had been unfaithful to his wife. He had heard of our story and wanted to connect with us. According to this man, once the news got out, his pastor shunned him and encouraged his wife to leave. Despite his willingness to make things right with his wife and the brokenness he seemed to display, the church kicked him to the curb and thus their entire family was devastated even more. Not only that, but when this couple decided to stay together and make their marriage work, they began looking for another church. They found one and were so thankful. That is, until the pastor from their old church called the new pastor and told him about their situation. And that pastor wouldn’t allow them to be a part of his church, either. I understand wanting the flock to be protected. I really do. And I am certain there are two sides to every story. I’m married to a pastor. Trust me, there are always two sides to a story. But, calling another pastor to tell him not to let a couple come to try to start over? When did we forget that the church is not a country club but instead a hospital for the sick? I’ve got an amazing pastor and friend, who did not kick us when we were down, but instead led the way toward our restoration. Maybe because I’ve seen this dealt with in an amazing way that this type of thing brings about a righteous anger within me. Remember this. We are all capable of falling. Just wanted to give you something to chew on today.

26 thoughts on “Church. What Is Yo Problem?”

  1. Oh. My. Goodness. UNBELIEVABLE. Did they completely miss this Scriptures in Matthew that say “If he REFUSES to hear… then you treat him like a heathen”. This brother in Christ has a REPENTANT heart and wanted to change. Wow. It hurts my heart when this happens and the Word of God is basically “blasphamied”!

  2. Unfortunately, the church at large seems to operate better in judgement than grace. It’s just eaiser to define and understand, I suppose…

    Your next book? “How Church Leadership Can Help Restore Broken Relationships”…. I’m just sayin’….. 🙂

  3. Cindy – we were witness to something similar. After a misstep by our unmarried pastor, the church powers-that-be responded in a way that I am ashamed of. For that reason, our family left a denomination we’ve been part of for 4 generations. I understand those in leadership positions are held to a higher standard – but failing to lock our arms around them in a time of need is not acceptable.

    Your story is exactly what I’d expect from a church family – but sadly not the norm. Thank you so much for putting it out there.

  4. What have I learned in life? That there could be 10 sides to one story. I have also learned that God WILL vidicate and make right what is true and what we lose God will replace as a harvest. He is one one who really gives REAL restoration for the broken.

  5. I know of a church who picked one spouse, shunned the other, until they figured out more of the story later and tried to switched sides. Lord, let me love the way You love.

  6. The whole thing is so sad. Thankfully our Lord takes us broken and the church doesn’t decide who gets in or who is in the IN crowd.

    We are God’s children and he wants us all. Church sucks. This is why more and more people are participating in “home” churches. It is easier and then you can follow the Pastors that are preaching the Message instead of their agenda.

  7. WOW?!? there was a time in life where i didn’t believe the last statement you made…”Remember this. We are all capable of falling.” and i even had certain things in live that i would “never do”…WRONG!!! i fell flat on my face and came to the point where all i could do is look up to God…

    it crushed me to hear this!!! thank you and your husband for reaching out to them!!!

  8. “Remember this. We are all capable of falling.”

    So, so true. It really bothers me how much we often try to pretend like we’re above all that “sin stuff” and stop offering grace to people. It’s almost as if we forget that we still need grace after being saved. Grace is for the unsaved. We’re good now.


    Lord, may they know us by our love and unity. May we spur each other on to good works, not spurn for our vices but instead point to Christ. Amen.


  9. After growing up in an church environment that non-verbally promoted the judgment game, I thought it was the way things were supposed to be. It wasn’t until I made some serious mistakes and was at the “other end” of the judgment that I realized we are all human and need God’s grace just as much as anyone else.

  10. That is absolutely crazy.

    Not to wish any ill will (is it two words or one word?) against those two pastors. I’m willing to bet that either or both of them have their own vices to deal with…eventually it will get to them.

  11. amazing.

    i am always flabbergasted at how QUICK “pastors” are ready to kick someone to the curb and suggest divorce.

    “pastors” who by nature of the term should be SHEPHERDS. RESTORERS, NURTURERS. Interesting.

    Pastors should attempt to help in restoration and shepherd God’s people.

    In our marital situation several years ago, our pastors first tended toward the judgemental, then ended up being an aid in our healing. in fact, i think working with my husband and i really ended up teaching our pastors something becasue it was the first time they had dealt with it on such a scale.

    and i agree – there are two sides to every story – two to tango – two that contribute to the mess.

    thanks, cindy.

  12. thanks Cindy for sharing our story…my husband and I are still doing great – God is good – we still haven’t found a church but we feel we are getting closer. We have come in contact with a wonderful couple who we have a lot in common with. We are thankful for that.
    Just hearing you and Chris’s story and your story of restoration by other believers has given us our faith back in the church.

  13. I praise God for my home church where the broken attend so Christ can fix them, and everyone is along for the ride. Didn’t Jesus say himself that he came to heal the broken hearted, disenfranchised….

    I applaud you for posting this. Shame, shame, shame on a church that turns away the unperfect. God will deal with them. We need to keep those two pastors in prayer; what they’ve done is just so wrong.

  14. Doesn’t that just break your heart…
    We just had a guy call the office today who asked like a million questions and all a result of past experiences with “the body of Christ” being not so Christ-like.
    I can’t help but imagine what it would be like if we truly lived like Christ!?!

  15. You shall raise up the foundations of many generations; And you shall be called the Repairer of the Breach, The Restorer of Streets to Dwell In.
    Isaiah 58:12

    I just like the phrase “Repairer of the Breach”. God’s people should be called that and the “Restore of Streets to Dwell In”.

  16. That is so sad. Unfortunately, having been in ministry and growing up in the church world I have heard way too many stories like that.

    It never ceases to baffle me though when I hear them. Your hospital analogy is perfect – would we turn people away at the hospital doors because they’re “too sick”?

    I pray this couple finds the grace and forgiveness that they need to start over and begin healing.

  17. Amen and amen!!!!! Sometimes people just need a fresh start. It definitely doesn’t always mean they don’t have skeletons in their closets. But the church of all places needs learn how to embrace people in spite of. Still using wisdom in all ways of course. If only we as the church could really start seeing people through HIS eyes. All that crap would go right out the window.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.