I’ve Got A Crutch

I think I was born in a good mood. Obviously, I don’t know for sure, but I’m an upbeat kind of gal. You usually know what you are going to get with me. I do have bad days every so often but they usually are just that...every so often. I have experienced depression before but it’s always been short-lived and due to some pretty tumultuous events that have occurred in my life. I’ve spent the last ten days on crutches due to my incredibly embarrassing incident. And the likelihood is very high that they’ll continue to accompany me for the next few weeks. I’d like to tell you that I have been doing just fine and dandy. And that I didn’t cry and become emotionally absent for the first several days after I hurt my leg. Or that I haven’t wanted to only watch chick flicks so that my tears would be disguised while I’m crying as the couple finally gets together after overcoming all sorts of obstacles. I’d like to be able to tell you that all is well and I know that “God is in all of this and is teaching me something”. Or that this is just a “season” and it will be over soon. While I know those things in my head and believe them to be true, my heart has not followed suit. I have not sent out invitations to a pity party but I have come awfully close. Needless to say, I have been on the receiving end during this time. Food is brought TO ME. Drinks are brought TO ME. Medicine is brought TO ME. The Hubby and children are doing the dishes. And the vacuuming. And the cooking. And pretty much everything. My babies are being tucked in by their Daddy, which is perfectly wonderful. I sit at the bottom of my stairs and watch their little legs climb the steps while their Daddy chases them up them. However, I miss going to their beds, tucking them in and then kissing their precious faces once they’ve fallen fast asleep. I’ve been watching my amazing men serve me. And serve me joyfully, I might add. It is a gift in many ways and please know that I am trying, trying, trying to find joy in it. And maybe I am even though my cheeks are stained with tears. I also know that it is hard being down. It’s hard staying put when you are used to not staying put. It’s just hard. So, yeah. I KNOW God is teaching me. And as I’ve preached to all of you before in a previous post, I must let God use the methods and tools that HE deems necessary. But it sure does hurt sometimes, you know?

14 thoughts on “I’ve Got A Crutch”

  1. I am right there with ya! I have been there girl and it aint easy sometimes! But, what an incredible testimony to the wife and mamma you are that your boys are serving you in the way that you are! God is good!

  2. “But it sure does hurt sometimes, you know?”

    Yes, I do. I do know. And I have known. I learned that lesson quite some time ago when it was discovered that I have a hereditary, bilateral sensorineural progressive hearing loss. All in all, though, it’s not so bad. Quite honestly, I’ve come to enjoy it.

    Besides, after a while, you don’t miss what you don’t know you’re missing. And then there are the little surprises God gives me–like a clear blue sky without wind, which is when I can hear the birds singing those joyful songs. It’s delightful. And I appreciate it all the more when I know that once the wind picks up or a car drives by, the sound will fade as the microphones in my hearing aids create static from the breeze or have too much competition from that passing diesel truck.

    Enjoy this time. Learn the lesson.

    You are a wife and a mother, a friend to a stranger–NOT a superhero.

    Simple, isn’t it?

    Strange thing is, if you don’t learn the lessons God is teaching you this time around, He will keep teaching you until you do learn those lessons.

    He is who He is.

    And He never gives up.

    Like the Keith Green song says, “Come and breath Your breathe upon me…”

    Breathe deep, trusting breaths.

  3. Praying for you today Cindy

    so maybe God is teaching your boys…Maybe He is showing them your worth as a wife and mother. maybe He is taking your kiddos through a lesson on serving. (not that they aren’t servants already) and maybe He just wants you to be still (obviously 😉 ) and just…know….

  4. I don’t chime in often but i think i will here. I have an amazing wife that serves her family like no other. She carries burdens for people who are unaware of her heart for them. She is a giver and not a taker. She genuinely cares more about all of you than she does about herself; trust me…she talks about you people all the time. God is doing something special from so many angles right now. He is blessing us (our boys and me) with a deeper appreciation of all that she does. He is blessing Cindy with the chance to see how much her boys love her by serving her with joy and empathy. He is blessing Cindy and me with intimacy. I get the opportunity to learn exactly how many spoonfuls of splenda she likes in her coffee. I get to help her into the bathtub and make sure the salts are there and the candles lit. 🙂 I am learning the joy of serving and my idol of comfort is slowly dying (praise God!) Mostly, i think God is preparing my wife for something significant. let me explain it this way:

    Last night after the boys were in bed I pulled the guitar out and played it with Cindy. Recently I’ve been really bored playing the same songs in the same way so i put one of my guitars in an alternate tuning. At first it was really frustrating because the way the guitar was tuned was so awkward and unfamiliar. None of the chords that i was used to playing worked so i started experimenting. After a couple of weeks of frustration full of dissonant melodies, a breakthrough occurred. last night I found a melody unlike anything i have ever heard or ever played. It was paralyzingly beautiful. Cindy spent a good hour listening to me develop this amazing song.
    Cindy’s injury is an alternate tuning. It is awkward, unfamiliar, and frustrating. I am confident that her perserverance through this season will yield a life melody that is more beautiful than anything she has ever experienced before. She just needs a little time to practice and find her notes.

  5. Sorry you couldn’t make it to Lifestock it was an awesome sight. Chris was putting the kids on all kinds of dangerous rides that never would have happened with mom around

    Chris thought that may help get her on her feet faster if she thinks you are endangering the kids. Hope it helped. If not and she hits you with a frying pan I am truly sorry.

  6. God bless you, Cindy. Amazing the way the Lord slows us down, isn’t it? Nothing spectacular or interesting, but effective.

    I had polio @ the age of 12 and thought I had defeated the dragon. Then in my late 50s, extremities started falling apart…Post Polio Syndrome it’s called. where all of those “muscle sprouts” (okay, I’m not into science) I worked so hard to develop began dying. I wasn’t always a happy camper and really got tired of hearing how “Being is so much more important than doing.” (Yeah, maybe to you be-ers; some of us actually do the work, call us doers.)

    I hear answers coming from all over the place for you. The wonderful reply from your sweet husband, the privilege (and it really is) of your family taking care of YOU for a change. (And I know it’s hard to sit there when they’re making a royal mess in your well-kept, efficient kitchen.) A little more quiet time for you to contemplate–I have no idea what, but something like Chris said with the guitar… or just a slowing down and giving you a chance to listen, or (I have to say it) to be…

  7. wow… between your post (i can relate!) and your husband’s comment (you’ve got a good man!)… i’ve not got much to say.

    but know that i’m thinking of you today. and even more importantly, that HE is mindful of you.

  8. As a parent, can you imagine that God doesn’t hurt when we do? The expression of love isn’t always in the voluntary actions. Sometimes it’s in the reactions. Maybe that’s all the lesson there is. And hey, look at what we all get to learn about Chris! (grin) Get well soon.

  9. as a guitar playing girl, i HAVE to say that your man just BLEW ME AWAY with that analogy.
    sorry to mix metaphors: i feel like i’ve been limping since i moved to seminary… but maybe its just an alternate tuning – for a new melody.

    oh my holy goodness.

    thank you chris.

  10. oh my stinkin-beating-heart!!!! I’m ready to go get a cup of tea and read this post and your husband’s response over and over and over again!
    I can’t say that I understand the pain you’re going through physically or emotionally, but my heart goes to you, and I can tell you I will pray for you to find the amazing, sovereign, loving hand of your Father using your husband and kiddos to minister to you.
    OH yeah, and get well soon!!!

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