Even at 10, he is interested in girls and says he wants to get married one day, but is pessimistic about his chances, thinking girls will all find him “weird”. It can be hard for an INFP man to find a woman who appreciates him, I was 25 before I met my wife, who was also my first girlfriend.

There are a lot of good things about being INFP, though, and I think it is a neat thing that my son has an INFP dad who “gets” him.

Speaking as one myself, I will say the best possible thing you could do for your child is to build a relationship based on mutual understanding – be consistent, and try to make sure he knows the reasons behind the things you do. The rest should follow on that much more easily.

Growing up was not particularly easy, especially not at school. There was so much wanton cruelty, lack of intelligence from kids everywhere, and as I had all the social skills of a doormat I clearly came off as a weirdo, and probably still do. (By the way, being an introvert =/= being shy – and if your son seems to have just a few friends yet is happy, don’t push him to socialise more than he’s comfortable with)

The defining factor in my… well, sanity, was a warm and supportive relationship with my parents during my childhood. It would seem that INFPs are particularly sensitive to the trials and tribulations of life, but then, aren’t we all really?

Surprised as I am to have seen Snail post already, there is nothing more I can really say. I wish your family a wonderful future together.

Even though my mother (ENTJ) is the opposite, i get along with her really well.
however my father (INTJ) doesnt understand me at all – he has told me to ‘toughen up’ and that i’m too sensitive etc..i suppose when you also feel like the odd one out whilst growing up it doesnt help much, so its not surprising that we really dont get along AT ALL.

anyway, i find these sorts of tests interesting
good luck raising your little man!!

I enjoy woodworking, but my shop is a mess. My sweet, well-intentioned wife ’surprised’ me one day by going in and completely organizing my shop. It was spotless, organized, made perfect sense, and looked like it came out of a magazine. It also stifled my creativity for about a week. I could not work in such an organized environment. My mind couldn’t create beyond the boundries that had been laid out in front of me.

I gave myself about a week to fiddle around and get things messy, then the work started being productive again.

Thank you for being so attuned to your child. He will be blessed because of it. Happy New Year.

“When I realized what his personality was, I told my friend, Jerry Hurley, also an INFP, about it. He responded laughingly, “I’m so sorry.””

That’s so true

My biggest piece of advice for any parant of an INFP is to avoid placing the child in a conflict situation. If you need to dicipline an INFP child you should be aware that the biggest punishment by far is your disapproval of the wrong behaviour. INFPs hate conflict, it seems to tear then apart from the inside out, and the hurt that is causes (especially in childhood) is hard to express. Whenever I’ve tried to explain how I feel about conflict (even as an adult) only INFPs seem to understand. Not to say that INFP children should not be told off when they are naughty. Avoid shouting, avoid being judgemental about their quirks and beliefs.

Second, praise creativity. All INFPs will get much more than other children from creative outlets. I was told off for my own creativity as a child, I was only allowed to be creative when my parents could see a point to the creativity eg where it lead to qualifications, but I needed to enjoy creativity rather than it being something that I was scored for. But I’d say that free creativity is central to INFPs self image and health.

INFPs often feel like aliens growing up, I certainly did. Any way that you can show INFP children that their quirkiness is accepted, even if it is not understood, will do far more good than most people would appreciate.

I read somewhere that INFP children often feel like ugly ducklings but need to realise that they are beautiful swans, roses among thorns. Acceptance from parents is more important to INFP children that most other “types”.

My advice is that you give the boy plenty of time alone when he wants it while being there for him when he wishes to talk to someone. If you have friends over, allow him to retreat if he feels like doing so instead of forcing him to be social.

Be careful about how you word things, and validate him frequently by saying encouraging things about his positive behavior, especially if he does something personally meaningful or creative. He will need to be reminded frequently that he is loved and that you think he is a special and unique individual.

Never yell or use physical forms of punishment, and don’t ever use criticism, sarcasm, or name-calling to shame him out of negative behavior. That kind of treatment can damage an INFP for life. Discussion and appeals to empathy work much better, because the dominant process of the INFP is the Fi (introverted feeling), which is a rational judging process. My parents never had to spank me or yell at me, because I naturally wanted to please them as long as the methods for doing so did not run counter to my internalized value system. I followed all rules that I actually agreed with, and if I thought the rules were arbitrary, unnecessary, or unfair, I was allowed to openly question them until I could understand them enough to either reject them or incorporate them into my own internalized framework. If my parents had used even mild violence or threats, I would have become discouraged and would have eventually stopped trying, as many INFPs do in such situations.

Even if you find his idealism strange, accept it as a very important part of who he is. Reminding him that his ideals are impractical will serve no positive purpose and will only make him feel hopeless and alone. Let him have his perfect world in his head, because it is the source of his mental organizational system and will allow him to easily compare what “is” with what “should be,” in order to determine what is right.

Allow him to express his emotions openly and don’t ever encourage him to “toughen up” or “stop being so sensitive.” That is one of the most discouraging things you could possibly do to an INFP. Don’t expect him to conform to the traditional masculine stereotype because he probably never will. If he does, it will undoubtedly be detrimental to him, since the two most popular masculine stereotypes are ESTJ and ESTP, not INFP.

Don’t push him to be more organized than he feels comfortable being in his own room, although the rest of the house can be yours to rule as you please. This will give him a place where he can feel comfortable and secure and will enhance his creative potential. Also, be careful not to expect him to plan ahead too much unless it is important for a specific reason, because you run the risk of crushing his spontaneity, which is an important part of the creative process. If you ever want him to excel at art, music, writing, or other typical INFP pursuits, take this warning seriously no matter how hard this may be for someone of your type. It will be difficult, but not impossible.

If he is bullied at school, my recommendation is home schooling, because it never gets any better and can damage him for life. I wish that I had never gone to school, because I am capable of self-teaching, gained nothing that I couldn’t have gained on my own, and was ruthlessly tormented by bullies on a daily basis for being “weird,” and for crying easily when they called me names and beat me up.

You have a very special blessing, to be given one of the rare types. Our diversity gives us the potential to be valuable members of the body of Christ, each with our individual uses. I hope this advice helps.