If there is a’perfect’ way to own and repent from an affair, Mary has done this. In reading the numerous experiences of others who’ve walked through this, I fully realize how fortunate I am that this is the case. For many, the nightmare of revelation continues long after ‘D-day” as their spouses struggle to leave their lovers or show little or no effort in helping their betrayed partner heal. If there can be a ‘blessed’ in being cheated on…I am, because Mary’s turn-around was instant and complete. I praise God! However, (and here’s the kicker)…it still (even after a year) hurts (at times at least) like Hell. And I guess I just want to encourage that (probably) small sliver of your readership whose spouses have have betrayed them but then ‘perfectly’ repented…that it’s okay to hurt. To help them see that pain, even a year after disclosure, is okay. Sometimes I feel guilty for still hurting! I just want them to know that, even if their cheating spouse has done everything ‘right”…that adultery decimates the tenderest, most raw and sensitive parts of the human heart – and those places simply do not, cannot, and will not heal anywhere close to overnight. My greatest hope is that the offending spouses understand this reality and are sensitive, patient, and gracious to it, especially in light of the grace they have received. I want betrayed spouses to know to be gracious to themselves and know that they were given a mortal wound that failed to finish them off…to be ‘proud’ of that…and to give themselves time and space to heal.I love his words! They ring so true to me. Just because we still hurt a year or five year later, doesn’t mean we haven’t forgiven or that we aren’t healing. This is just part of the grieving process. As we continue to journey through life and deal with the hurts that come upon our paths, let’s always be mindful that we serve a God who heals and redeems…in His perfect time. I know Steven and Mary would love your encouragement and prayers as they continue on their journey. If any of my male readers would like to connect with Steven, please let me know in the comments below.
I received an email several weeks back from Steven. I appreciated his heart and story so much that I asked him if I could share it with you. The Reader’s Digest Version is that Steven’s wife, Mary, was unfaithful to him with an old high school boyfriend that she reconnected with on Facebook. This was completely from out of nowhere because Steven and Mary were in full-time ministry. They were the ones ministering to others and were the ones that “knew better”. Mary was completely torn up over her choice and actually ended it before ever being “caught”. Not only that, but she carried this burden around for nearly a year before ever confessing this to her husband. God intervened and they are on the road to restoration. God is doing a mighty work – PRAISE HIM! I think you’d benefit from hearing directly from Steven: