When I found out about my husbands affair eight weeks ago tomorrow, I remember saying to myself or maybe it was aloud, “I never wanted to be the girl with the story.” And now, here I sit, writing my story.
This was the opening paragraph from the email I received from Marty on May 31, 2011. After uncovering her husband’s affair through his text messages and emails to the other woman, her husband began telling her the whole story. The next step for them was counseling:
We went to counseling at our local church that morning. I don’t remember much of that, other than sharing what had happened and being told to breath in and breath out.
Marty was in a world of hurt. And even though his actions caused her pain, he was reeling from the pain as well. While trying to get to the bottom of why this happened by asking dozens of questions, Marty’s husband reluctantly said, “I don’t think you love me. Honestly, I don’t think you even like me.”
To his statement, Marty writes:
Oh dear Jesus. In that moment, I broke. The reality of what our marriage has been for over a decade flashed before my eyes. Having to face the reality of what a messed up person I am. The reality of the baggage I brought into this. The reality of all of the nagging, emasculating, disapproving looks/statements etc. I had no one to blame for any of that but myself. And in that moment, I felt so responsible for all of it. That if I had been better, done better, this wouldn’t be happening. He has never made me feel that way, and takes full responsibility for what happened, but it is still there for me. I had to own my part in our marriage getting to this place, and I am so ashamed to say this, but for the first time in our relationship I spoke the words, “I’m sorry” to this man. How sickening is that?
Since that email, Marty and her husband have been on a journey together. In a way, I feel like I’ve been on that journey with them as I’ve been cheering them on from afar and corresponding with her via email. The road has been bumpy to say the least but they’ve stayed on it…through the tears, the pain, the disappointment. They are grieving their loss, have grown closer together as a couple and are pursuing intimacy with Christ like never before. And I believe with everything in me that they will be stronger than ever even though they’ve only been on this path for six months.
I know that you’d love to offer some words of wisdom and hope to Marty. If you’d like to connect with her, let me know in the comments below.