Sweet Talk

There’s a gal I know named Nicole.

She’s a twenty-six year old doll, and is quite enamored with her husband, Tim. And rightly so. He is a cutie pitutie and a sweetheart if there ever was one. She talks so kindly about him always. In fact, she might as well put a cheerleading outfit on because she is indeed his biggest fan.

In my opinion, this is the way it should be done. Nicole has learned more about building up her man in her nearly seven years of marriage than most people do in a lifetime. And trust me, she is not the norm. It is so much more common to hear women tearing down their husbands and husbands tearing down their wives.

Ephesians 4:29 tells us,

“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”

I’ve spent puh-LEN-tee of time around women. There are few things I enjoy more than just visiting with the gals…laughing, crying, talking, sitting. That is, until it gets to the place where the fun ends and the negativity begins. It is so easy for us to say things at the expense of another. And I still have no idea why this attitude is so contagious.

It’s time for us to become people who build up rather than tear down. Ignore the voices around you that drag you down and expect you to do the same to those around you. Be a light to those who are constantly satisfied with sitting in the dark.

If you are married, how well do you sweet-talk your spouse? If you are not married, do you sweet-talk other important folks in your life?

What are some things you can say TODAY to let your spouse and others close to you know that you think the world of them?

Give it a try. I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised.

(Feel free to leave your link in a comment if you At The Well gals blogged about this, too. I’m so not good at the technical side of things and after several attempts of Natalie coaching me through the whole Mr. Linky thingiemajig, I decided to call it quits.)

43 thoughts on “Sweet Talk

  1. Happy Monday! Great topic for At the Well. Thanks for sharing about Nicole, she sounds like a great example of a godly wife for us to follow with sweet words. My post is up over at http://www.joybright.blogspot.com Looking forward to reading other ideas and thoughts on building up our men!

  2. Not long ago I went to lunch with a couple of girlfriends. They were not sweet-talking their husband. Uh-uh. I sat there quietly, thinking, I’m certainly not gonna chime in how great my Kris is. I thought, man, either Kris is princely or their husbands are just rotten. Neither is true. Kris certainly does things that irritate me, and I’m pretty sure I irritate him at times. I dunno. Maybe it’s the talking when he’s trying to watch tv. Anyhoo, I always try to only speak positive affirmation over his life – especially around others. He is my warrior. And, the boy fights hard for me and the youngins.

    Great post. You mind if maybe I discuss on my blog one day? I’ll linky over to you.

  3. You got it right here girl! It is so true….seems a lot of “bashing” going on today..so much so it COULD be an Olympic sport…and I know some Gold Medal Contenders:)
    NOT my sport…
    I AM my husband’s biggest fan too…and I’m WAAAA~Y past 26!

    Great post!
    Thanks for hosting!
    You always ROCK!

  4. love the post. I would link up and chime in, but had another commitment. :)

    I think it’s so important to sweet talk your husband, even if your husband doesn’t deserve it.

    I struggle with this, But GOD told me that if I want my miracle with my husband then I NEED TO BUILD him UP at all times.
    and pray for him.

    I’m believing….speaking..prayin

  5. this is something i’ve been really intentional about in recent months. thanks for the encouragement to keep doing what i’m doing…

  6. I love this topic because it speaks so strongly to my heart. I love praising my husband and have seen and heard other women do the opposite and the effects that it has on their marriage and on their husband is saddening. Your post was wonderful.
    Have a blessed day!

  7. Great topic! We should always be quick to praise our husbands and not bash them. It’s something that is near to my heart, because I used to be a husband basher and the consequences nearly cost me my relationship with my mother’s side of the family, as well as Steve’s.

  8. My marriage councilers told my husband and i this before we were married. How importat this was – to always speak well of them in public. And i try like crazy to do it.
    I do have another idea of where to do it- i believe we should build up our spouce in front of our kids too. I have yet to have a child – but i grew up in a house where my parents always bad mouthed each other in front of me – and it hurt and i always did not know who i was to support – so i have promised myself i would not put my kids in that situation. just a thought

  9. Hi, Sister Cindy!
    I remember reading articles on this topic from different blogs, and I am just happy that as much as negativism is contagious, a good number of graceful blogging wives here at the well know how to dress up their hubbies with praises and compliments. I am a young wife, married for 3 years and 8 months, and very happy to learn all about treating my man right from women of faith in the well. I might not share so much today, but I will try posting about this as the Spirit leads. Thanks for sharing!

  10. Wow! Great subject, this has been bothering me for a while and I have shared it with my husband. I was with a group of girls this spring and there was much husband bashing. I came home with much appreciation for my husband :) I did not bash him, it doesn’t do any good. But, I told him about what had happened and that it was amazing to see. One of the women was a PW.
    That night really opened my eyes to see that I need to lift him up at all times. Even when my heart doesn’t want to.

  11. Girlfriend!
    So sorry I’ve been absent from visiting your blog lately. Please know it has nothing to do with the number of times you’ve come to my mind over the past several weeks!

    First, thank you for your “sweet words” on my blog. I’m thrilled you are reading the book and it is touching you in some way. Truly.

    And thank you for representing a wife that has been tested and proven faithful. Thanks for representing the power in spoken words of kindness. I will be exercising them today because of your reminder in this post!

    Oh…and…got a request the other day for my DVD and information from a woman in OKC. Maybe I’ll be headed your way soon and we can do coffee like we’ve talked about for so long! Wouldn’t that be cool?

    Lisa :)

  12. I try and sweet talk a bunch. Shelly is a “words of affirmation”

    By the way Connor is fine, he was back to normal on Saturday.

  13. This is such a NEEDED topic of discussion!

    I often wonder…Why do women bash consistently? Is it fear? Is it insecurity?…Winning the title of having the worst husband of the year? Needing attention or to be part of the group? Having fun is one thing but degrading a mans character at the core is debilitating….

  14. Great discussion, Cindy. Truly and absolutely necessary topic of conversation. At the last women’s retreat, I led the ladies’ drama team. As we lay chatting in our cabin until the wee hours of the evening, I redirected a many conversation. It’s one thing to be real and discuss how to help each other with our relationships…quite another to bash or even ridicule our husbands for a laugh. I had a “no husband bashing” rule posted on our bulletin board of the cabin. Though they thought that was unique and weird at first, as we got into the weekend, they understood it better. Sometimes, we as leaders in ministry can help set the tone and raise the bar of awareness on this.

  15. Negativity is contagious so you definatly have to be carful when others are dogging there husbands its easy to just follow suit. so sometimes switching to positive things helps. or just keep your mouth shut.

  16. That is sooo true about Nicole! I love that you’re highlighting her as an example in this blog. I’ve never heard her say a negative thing about Tim…what a great example of how we should be for everyone!

  17. Great topic for discussion today. What a wonderful reminder to us to always be holding our husbands up in praise and adoration. What a blessing that God has given me – a wonderful, caring, loving, talented, and CHRISTIAN man! Thanks for leading us AT THE WELL. -blessings, Laurie

  18. Oh-my-goodness, just had this very conversation with my childhood-sister-girlfriend this am. Agreed! I taught junior high before my boys were born (PE & Hist). Was mostly around male teachers and coaches in light of my departments. Then I started subbing only in my boys elem once they were school aged. Being in a building of 95% females took some gettin’ used to. I agree about the sweet relational aspect of females. But out of balance that can get the best of us. I definately need women in my life, but sometimes the happy go lucky nature of males is refreshing. Guess that’s why God made both and has us team together in marriage. Balance.

  19. So glad you blogged about this. My girlfriends are always suggesting they “find” me a husband. Married ladies who trash their husbands makes us single gals afraid – verrrry, verrrry afraid. There’s nothing I love more than to listen to or watch a married couple who completely see Jesus when they look into each others’ eyes.

  20. It’s pretty easy to uplift my hubs because there isn’t much about him i don’t like. I don’t like that he can lose 5 pounds just by talking about it, but that’s about it. He is fantastic.

    Still, in public I only say nice things about him. No better way to hurt your man than to put him down in front of others. It ain’t pretty.

    thanks for the post, sorry I couldn’t help with Link-a-loo

  21. I’ve learned it helps my friendships. I’m not married, but I know it’s helped their marriage a lot. I’m learning to control my tongue. Tearing down doesn’t fix anything.

  22. I love to “sweet talk” about Matthew ~ it’s pretty easy to do so. :) I get so sad when I hear other women griping and putting down their husbands. Love and Respect!

  23. *ouch*

    Mentally I’ve been saying not nice things about my husband for two days. It’s hard to think nice, let alone SAY nice, when you’re irritated. This was a good lesson today. An annoying one, but a good one! 😆 haha! 😉

  24. I’ve learned how important it is to build up my man, and really appreciate the Godly women I have to look up to at LC.TV! What a bunch of great pastor’s wives! Thanks for the encouragement!

  25. This concept of affirmation is always one that i love! I have the spiritual gift of exhortation…so i absolutely love to affirm, support, comfort, encourage, and love on people! So when people talk about affirmation, my ears perk up! Its something that we just dont do enough of, but i’ve never ever had anyone tell me that i affirm them too much! I think its something that we can ALL get better at! Great thoughts!!

  26. building up your man with nice words can be a difficult task. not because theyre not worthy of it…but because how we choose to look at them sometimes. it would be much easier for me to throw out a “you NEVER take out the garbage!” than it would for me to thank him for the one out of 10 times he actually does take it out. its those little things that speak volumes to our men. same thing with our children. but it isnt easy. it takes self control to find a kind word over lashing out or speaking a negative. a negative word often times makes us feel, temporarily, superior…while a kind word may bruise our self inflated little egos and pride. i have found that in me all too often.

  27. PHEW! I finally made it! A day late, but hey, better late than never, right?!

    Cindy, thank you so much for your lovely post and getting us jump started today (or yesterday) with this FABULOUS topic!

    Thank you also for sharing your wisdom and insight! You are very encouraging!

    Bless you dear sister,

  28. That was a reminder! I can say that I hang on every word my hubby says. :) I adore him very much! Sometimes I catch myself though if I get upset with him and I stop myself because I shouldn’t talk badly of him. Thank you! I really like your blog!

  29. I needed to hear that so badly! This is something that I have been battling tremendously over the last two weeks. I am so glad that God laid that on your heart share and also to know that I am not alone. Please pray for me to be a light in my workplace and my marriage. Thanks for what you do!

  30. Pingback: Stand by your man (or woman). « The Randomness of Dusty Takle

  31. Nicole is my sister-in-law and she is def. Tim’s biggest fan. She and I ‘argue’ though b/c we are married to brothers and we each think we got the best one. haha

    good post

  32. Right now it is hard but it is what God asks.
    This morning I sent my husband a text telling him how sexy I find him and reaffirming that I know, even in the hard times, we will make it. Sometimes I randomly leave him a card or a note in the morning. When wiht friends I TRY (try being key word) to either remain quiet when they talk bad about their husbands or say a short nice thing about my husband. My husband is God’s greatest gift to me (besides salvation). He is my prince charming. I hope he sees me as his princess even though I have a lot of short comings.

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